Friday, June 29, 2012

Sensing through Eyes

A Hundred Years of Solitude  came to my mind. Ursula manages around the home without her eyes. She knows where things are placed, more accurately than those who can see. My periyamma, is a simple loving mother from village and she wonders who invented this laptop, that am glued to almost 20 hours a day. At home, I fuss over the little little things of trivial importance, be it the arrangement of food, clothes, books, furniture, colours, smell. After alighting from train, i remembered Gita's upside down Ashwatta tree - 15.1 urdhwa mula adhah shaka. Mind, what keeps it sane, functioning? Senses, what keeps it sensing. What is the moving force - for the limbs?

It had poured in Chennai. Mayor elections, municipal bodies, well, mere posts to contest. Am praying, Delhi Metro's disabled friendly trains should run in Chennai, all over India. Trains were delayed inordinately. Once I alighted, it was as if, entire earth's population had accumulated on the platform, no space to move. I could move only in the narrow gap near the train, covering my nose. Some one shitting, in the halted train mindless of the injustice to fellow human beings. Gate's Toilet 2.0! Hope that is the solution to my train agonies. Whenever I go to Delhi by train, am forced to survive on sips of water, starving, 2+ whole days, to avoid going to loo.

So, it was a cesspool, everywhere. So dirty, that one would cringe stepping on the puddles of dirty water near Platform 5 of Egmore Railway station. I knew there was a vehicle conveyance path, so that one would not have to climb up those stairs. Looking at me, no one would know about L3 malunion or right hip's total hip replacement or my atrophied right leg. Even if I call a battery car, unless, I ask a police guy's help, those vehicles would say, it is only for old, and they would not take the luggage, etc. So I would walk till the very end of the platform to figure out where the path was and drag my trolley myself. I can't afford what the coolies need. Worse still, if it is an old coolie. I would feel bad, he is lifting, so much weight, nor can I afford whatever he demands. Am penny wise, pound foolish. After grinder stone for idly mavu, and luggage, my L3 screamed its presence. But this time, in the crowd, i thought, i have to take the stairs, rather than wading through the ocean of people on the platform. Wish railways had given an indicator of level path ahead to cross the platforms without taking the overhead platform bridge. I was at level 2 of upstairs when i saw the level crossing so near. Indian Railways! IRTS!

There I saw her. She was a stout lady, with a huge bosom. She wore a thaavani with semi transparent bluish blouse. If her legs were normal, she should not have weighed less than 80 kg, but she had legs, half the size of her thick arms. She was dragging, propelling herself with her hands to climb up each step, so dirty, wet, blackened. I was there with my trolley and 2 bags, climbing one step a time, praying at each step. The lady who was with her, just watched as she dragged herself in all that dirt. Her thaavani slightly came out of its place, after the 1st set of stairs, she instinctively reached to cover herself. My throat felt strange. She was keeping her bare hands on trash, her rear end totally soiled along with her dress.

I reached platform 4 and climbed down, trying to forget her. There was a creep, tailing me. Its always these railway creeps, that make me board an auto without bargaining, just to escape from that place at night. Outside, near the entrance opposite to Vasantha Bhavan, something hit me. It was the pointing stick of a blind guy. Would he have minded my hands on his arms, as I tried to help over those 2 steps. I get wild, if any Samaritan, touches me, even when they try to help. I would not mind holding them for support, but I can't let some random xyz holding my arms. I saw he had a lady with him, so I moved on. Near the busstand, as I saw anna (congenital physical defect - else, I would not have hurried to reach outside to ensure, he does not lift my luggage) Only then, the couple bumped into me again asking for auto and I saw both of them had pupil-less grey clouded small eyes. I begged anna, please help them board first. But anna said, their destination was nearer while mine was an hour away. He said, he would help them board the auto, paying my auto fare, while he struggles to make both his ends meet.

Eyes! God's gift indeed; 100% functioning spectless eyes, god's abundant mercy. And here I am abusing my eyes, forgetting my dincharya, forgetting krishna, fussing over temporal beauty of small small things, viewing the world in fine libran's beautiful glasses. Now I understand the relation between Surya and Shukra. Now my eyes are really seeing.

I realized my nethramritham from kottakal has expired last november itself. Here whenever possible, I grope around closing my burning eyes, like Ursula for the things I fussed at home - obsessive order and arrangement of things. Need to connect with genuine NGOs now.

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