India - A Million Mutinies Now

I was in page 458 when i wanted to know what does VS stand for. I saw that he should have either been satabisha/ p bhadra. Aug 17, 1932. Then i wanted to see his picture. I googled and found http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/23/books/review/Packer-t.html?pagewanted=3

I am no longer shocked. After all, was it not kind of similar with Nehru, Gandhi, IG. HI uncle used to tell me that people’s vishuddhi chakra and sex chakra are connected, just like their ajna chakra and mooladhara chakra are connected. There is nothing like good or bad, nothing exists in isolation. All exist in pairs. Just a matter of perception. Am wondering, what Kahlil would have mentioned for this. Whatever. After meeting this taurean with 17th and P.bhadra, am suddenly wondering about men and the things they end up doing during certain times. Am surprised with astrogyan. It is so accurate. Is there something called free will, if planets can dictate a man so?

VSN mentioned about a Times war reporter, whom he found so hard to read, initially. It is the same thing with me and his book. I got this issued from bookrack in November. And am still reading this. it is good, it has filled in so many blanks I had about India. Holistic, so eclectic, but i feel, he is kind of a Brahminphile. Blindstruck by their ritualis. Whatever, now the remaining 60 pages will no longer be the same way. To see the world in the eyes of a leo with a Acqua/Piscean moon is different. Now VSN must be a very old man, rather a child, who am i to be judgemental. God bless him.

Unexpected Ahilyanagari

Exam got over at 7:30 p.m. I was the last one to give the paper with the invigilator getting nasty and vehemently demanding my paper and me clutching the dear sheet for marking the few unanswered MCQs. Hope i managed to answer all the questions. I rushed back for a quick bath and tossed things in American tourister that was cogni gift and found i had 4 sms on asking to inform once the exams were over. So while my new mentor gave me company till the main gate, socks, also took on to grabbing my handbag and tried to get in between my legs. Socks got excited, for moments it didn’t let me take a step, at times, it let me walk to join me after a fierce chase. God, i was going to miss Socks, its soft brown sheen.

I found an auto waiting at the gate and boarded it and reached the station 40 minutes before the train was supposed to start, wish i had spent some time with my new patron, rather than waiting in the dark compartment. When the light came, i was surprised; i was the only gal in the compartment portion.

Being some one’s time pass.

I decided, if i need collective protection, i need to talk to everyone so that they would not misbehave at night and hence i started small talk. The compartment was full of youthful 18+ air force commandos who had just completed one training module from jalahalli and a Rajasthan police Shiv Bhagwan who was returning to some place 180 km from jaipur after deporting a mentally unstable Bangalore guy who had strayed near Pakistan border. I make it a point never to lose too much sleep over exams, nevertheless, i was sleep deprived and hence i promptly slept off after small talk. I ate lunch and slept off, since i had conveniently forgotten the 2 jhumpa lahiris i had borrowed from the library in my hurried packing. I had side middle berth in sampark kranti, so later the folks were saying, how i slept a lot, kabhi ulti, kabhi pulti. Day 1, evening, as usual, i went and sat near the steps to watch the sunset, and Guddu Dagar was there sitting next to me, and got me oranges and cup of tea, which i savoured, watching the sun turn into a myriad glorious colours before finally disappearing. Throughout the journey, i found the ground flying past by my right and the sky and the background, converging at my feet as i travelled northward. I was wondering, was the soolam direction conducive to that days travel.

Earlier, that morning, in between, when i woke up, the IAF guys would quiz me starting with time pass hi nahi ho raha hai and i patiently answered their questions adding masala about Amir Madhavan and the shooting. There was thankfully one tam, who gave me 3 podi idlies. In the evening, GD gave me company while i gazed at the sunset appearing now amidst the small ups and downs. I was surprised to find tea and oranges shoved into my hands. Later that night, GD gave me popcorn and when i woke up between my sleep. He showed me his assignments and said, he had so much to do within a fortnight. Simple questions on airport safety and mechanics. Crazy, to think abt stuff that ppl had to cram to pass these exams.

That night my train reached Bhopal at 11 kind and Shiv Bhagavan woke me up promptly, handled my luggage and he again got me a tea stating, accha time pass hua. I was wondering at being somebody’s time pass.

All the world’s troubles

It was little after 11:30 when i alighted at Bhopal and found a nice family of 2 kids - second daughter was Rithu and one son and loving parents. I was telling them, how our family was meeting together after 2 years and mom was telling how her elder daughter who was doing IT in Allencity (or some college like that) was missing her so terribly. Thanks to them, i had idli and sambar in the middle of the night. When the announcement came for Ahilyanagari, i left them and this is where all the world’s trouble started. A guy, whose name i later learnt as PKJ (Nov 1) started walking real close to me, invading my personal space, that i forced myself to talk to him, asking, how long would the train stop, before it started. He came to the same compartment, where i was about to board and asked for my ticket, which i refused to give and he asked which seat and he went n checked the reservation and said, yes, it was reserved under my name. But my berth was taken by two kids and the numbering was topsy turvy with the 8 thing being converted to 9 thing. The tt said, i could take SU, and i clambered on to it. But PKJ kept staring at me so hard, that i asked, what do u want?. I picked up a conversation with the Ujjain police guy Rudresh (blunder mistake). I was so scared of the PKJ that i jumped on the UB while Rudresh was in SM. In the middle of the night, i realized it was cold and bent down to switch off the fans and R woke up in the process and offered his bedsheet, mine was inside the suitcase, which was in the SU, which i had abandoned thanks to PKJ who was just below. Rudresh said, he was going to come to Ujjain in the night, so i could i return his sheet then and he got my no to coordinate at Ujjain that night.

At Ujjain, he was asking; if i would join him, so that he could drop me off at Indore in his bike. I said, no thanks, while PKJ was watching from his SM. Indore was the last stop, and PKJ, took my luggage n helped in the stairs. He said, we will have tea, i said, i need to brush my teeth before having tea. So he got me toothbrush and toothpaste and said; now we will have tea. I had forgotten my toothbrush in sampark kranthi, and PKJ refused payment. He said, wait till the sun rises and then we will go. My mobile had got switched off due to low battery and he let me make a call from his mobile to dad to tell them that i have reached Indore safely. I thought he would go away, but he persisted. He never let me lift my luggage, he hailed an auto for me and i was surprised when he and his chamcha sat in the auto with me to IIMI. I was asking, if his place was on the way. But no, it was not. He gave me company till my brother came out of hostel. He refused to accept payment for auto fare, toothbrush, and call. Even the auto guy was saying that gals came alone to IIMI. But PKJ went on to defend, how I can let her travel alone. Funny. Now Rudresh keeps bugging me over phone. But PKJ has not bothered me. Funny, how wonderfully, i have perceived people. The case of fence eating the grass.

Surprise Ujjain trip

I had just reached at 6:30 am and i had this urgent summons of getting ready coz cab to Ujjain sightseeing was ready. The only song that came to my mind was kaadu potta kaadu. I had seen the campus in Wikimapia, but nothing had prepared me for the vast dryness and parched earth spread all around. After seeing lush greenery of Blore, Indore n Ujjain was hot as oven, scorching as hell. Place where bhairav drank brandy, and mahakaaleswar sannidhi, where the guys in violet and maroon dhotis blotched ur forehead with various pratimas of om and other shapes. Then i decided to drop off, kaali temple and go instead to sudhama’s ashram. Good choice due to lack of time for convo. The paintings were simple yet alluring, i gazed at couple of paintings that were so striking. Avantika, Ujjain, Ahilyanagari, Swarnanagari so many other names for Ujjain. Mmm....

Convo

By word n deed, be worthy of this whatever. In B, it was by thought, word and deed, be worth of this crap. Was glad to c my bro on cloud 9. I was dead tired, after oveny train journey and scorching hot Ujjain trip. Food was okie. But lunch at Punjabi dhaba was quite similar n i was bored.

I kept my dad, bro, sis n mom awake coz my 3:50 am train from Ujjain. We booked to same cab. We reached the station at 3 am and we had to wait for almost an hour at Ujjain. Rudresh kept calling. Everyone at home was angry over his calls.

Trip back to blore

Luckily there was a wailing baby, cute little Fathima (who managed to cry louder than the baby) and Fathima’s mom n her father who looked more like her grandfather. Fathima slept between her father’s legs, with her head on her father’s groin. Three continuous sunrises saw me without taking bath. On the 3rd day, Fathima’s mother combed my hair, since it was a perfect mess. I again took on to sleeping peacefully without having to talk to people. Listening to stories being told to each other. Fatima’s mom thrust cream biscuits on my hand. There was once a heated discussion on how Muslims butchered cows. I felt bad on their being questioned like that. But Fathima’s mom answered with poise. She had this way of using her hands as if she was doing an abhinaya. I loved her. I somehow feel at home with them. Probably coz my zodiac says, that i will have thulukiyar friends.

Now i have to tell GD why i was not able to attend his calls, coz i was lost in MDA’s convo speech.

Macroeco class this day

Yes’day, I was interviewing one guy, I forgot his name. His father was a doctor, his mother was a doctor. His elder sister was a doctor. And he didn’t apply for MBA, coz, he was repaying the loan for his sister for the past 2 years. He had brilliant record, call from B and but he was geeky. Too nerdy.
Too techie, his OS was free, so were his apps. He had got his SOP in that tiny acer thingy.

He was born n brought up in Bihar and what he said, about Bihar shocked me to the core. He said, he wanted to help his doctor parents and spread the awareness of snake bites etc. After seeing endless episodes on the most fascinating snakes, include king cobras copulating, I knew that most snake bites were not poisonous, something, that led me to walk anywhere without bothering too much while my friends used to fear a lot. I would always ask them, what is the probability of snake biting, and even if it did, what is the probability of it being poisonous. Even otherwise, you could always put a knot and get a ride till the hospital. I had seen 2 black snakes crushed to death on the road, very small baby snakes in the campus. For me snakes were Amba. My dreams are snake infested. And my snake dreams are scary always.

So coming back to him, he said, snake bites at times lead to paralysis and hemorrhage. In his place, there were so many quacks who had political backing. Whenever people got bitten by snakes, the quacks would treat the un poisonous bites but the really poisonous bites would coz so many deaths. Usually it would be too late, when the patients after trying the quack came to the hospital.

He said, there was not a single electronics instrument in his house that was not vandalized. The quacks’ supporters would come to his house and break up everything, so many times it seems. Oh man, I was shocked. He wanted to do something for the society, he was too much into social service and he was a technical god, but the sad state of affairs in Bihar, hurt my throat.

This morning, our macro eco, prof was telling us about Fiscal policy and the associated lags. He was saying, how when the rich people got happy or when the business sentiments were positive, they would go out for a treat and how when the poor people became happy, they went for a cup of tea. He was talking about sachet teas and shampoos. And suddenly, my throat started hurting. Every time, on the way to the railway station, memories keep coming back, making me feel so bad inside. I still remember the time, when I went home for Diwali. I was on the way to Egmore and there was this old lady, collapsed and crumpled on the pavement, with dirty ragged clothes, shriveled and bony. It was Diwali eve and she was still begging. Of course, begging is an organized business in India, never the less, to think, an old lady had to face such a life, shocked me, pained me.

This time, again, when I was there in AC Volvo on the way to majestic, there was this leper lady next to some car showroom, leaning with great difficulty to crush one of the 2 beedas she had, since she had no teeth. I remembered the bony thin old lady who came to deliver food for KV school kids, who said, a beeda was her lunch breakfast and dinner. How many people are below the poverty line and here people go for treat and spend 5k for 20 ppl for one dinner. Ask them to give something for yoga classes, they would not. All easier said than done.

My face is so expressive. If am happy, the whole world knows it. Everyone in office would always know, the Fridays I go home. If am sad, same thing. My father just reads my face like anything, that I can never lie to him. He will know by my voice. I still remember the pus filled leper on the way to isanya lingam in thiruvannamalai. We were on the last lap of the 18 km girivalam. I saw him, and I felt so bad, I felt disgusted to tell the truth. It was around 7 am and I was still walking. He saw my face and thought I was laughing. He said, “Enna sirikiriya papa. Paar un seer alinju poiyirum”. I didn’t actually laugh at him, come on, how could any one laugh at him? I was feeling so bad, I felt saddened by the state a human body was reduced to with leprosy and pus oozing out. It was so hot and he was lying on the hot sun.

There was a time when I went to Tnagar to shop. Same old Ranganathan street. Just near the busstop, there was this guy, young one, without limbs, quadriplegic. It was so hot. He was there bare bodied, with saliva dribbling down, with his begging bowl next to him. I passed him and after a while, I completely forgot him, in the shopping spree. Only later that night, that image taunted me. Even now it does. The begging organization in tnagar was cruel enough to put him like that under scorching sun after having chopped off his limbs as well.

The next aug 11, I had my car accident, that took away 18 months of my life. I think at times, was it coz of that thiruvanamalai lepers curse? Many a times, I wonder, I always stop with my thoughts, no action. My throat hurts, instead of offering someone support, I too start crying with their pain. I went just once to the gals orphan house. God, am glad, I have my parents to take care of me. I had to really control myself and not let the tears fall down in the macro eco class, thinking that there are people for whom tea is a luxury.

Brinjal and me

The first time, I had an aversion towards brinjals was when my sis, after her bio lab adventures, told me that the seeds inside the brinjals, looked like tadpole eggs. And I tentatively stopped eating brinjals. But later, kathrika pullikolumbu and kathrika ennakka, was irresistible and I started eating again.

Yes’day evening, I was seeing all the fwd mails and I found this naankadavul.zip. I was eating the apples given during afternoon lunch and here was this background music of omnamashivaya and agories’ disgusting video of the so called saamiyars, cutting human hand, sitting on corpses and meditating and eating putrid flesh fished out of rivers. That night, I had to attend H ppt and I ate pulliyodarai, for the sake of completing a job in a hurry to be on time for the meeting. This morning again, I ate idlies and vada, though vada didn’t sense good and the fact that the frying oil droplets in chutney were red in colour indicating, its reusage, kinda revolted me. This afternoon, I kept alarm at 1:45 to have lunch, to eat without appetite, just to finish the job of eating before the mess closed at 2 pm. I went to the mess, piled up 2 cups of curd, rice, sambar, raitha, there was this baigan bhartha or masala ennakka. I piled that up as well, got a phulka and sat down to eat. I had my first bite of the phulka with brinjals and the second, that the scene of the man, eating dead man’s flesh flashed. I got up with vehemence. Food was so revolting. I could not eat my lunch and dinner now. Later around 4 pm I had 2 lassies and chocolate pastries. Am glad, I was distracted by S while I was eating.

God, wish I could forget these things and go on. God, please, I should erase this off my mind. When so many are starving without food, wasting so much is wel... Think, i will go to mess, only when am absolutely starving.

Randomness and Rahu

Be it 4 am in the morning or 2 am in the morning, at times, I hear them arguing so loud. So what, if her father is one of the elite aristocrats in the traditionally posh localities of Bangalore? The first time, I saw a red IP in the bin, I was thinking, why don’t these marketers in those titillating ads ever point to the fact, that over usage of IP makes the gal not carry a child, in the long run. Okie she can adopt later on. One orphan will benefit.

I was reading about German doctors, who do free service in Kolkatta in this day’s Mint. And immediately, I remembered city of joy. I remembered the 7 months pregnant woman, who offered her foetus for a fee and the quack doctors just left her to die half way through the surgery when the police came. I remembered some doctors wala fiction, where a black American doctor was murdered with her foetus with scalpels, to make it look like, she wanted to do her own abortion or C-section. Am going to do analysis now.

At times I feel, every time a guy cries and pleads, the next step is going to be violent. I just hope, he does not resort to extreme measures. “Please tell me” and all the crap, yes or no and all those open ended and close ended questions. Okie, she is under rahu influence. I was always thinking, swathi, maham, anusham etc. are maha nakshathras and one could marry such girls without thinking twice. Currently she has Guru maha dasha and rahu bhukthi. Also she has kala sarpa dosha with rahu in the 3rd house of aries and kethu in 9th house of libra. She is pretty with moon in her 7th house. Mmm kinda fits, with my arakora analysis, should I call this confirming bias? But am wondering, about rahu in general. 3 examples should not form the basis for generalization for the rest of the world. I feel, parents should resort to the earlier practice of child marriages, based on analysis of horoscope, rather than letting children (okie 23-24 year old gal is not a child or is she?) seek out themselves. Think I will rather go to the library. I need to switch off and start preparing for my midterms.

And there was this case of the gal, who had virschika lagna with mars and Saturn in the lagna. She was so cute and pretty young just out of 12th standard. She was engaged to my team member, who became my TL after my ilizarov surgery. She wanted to study and her parents wanted her to marry him. And she committed suicide, by hanging. Her birthday was nov 2nd or nov 11th.

Tejowati TriNAYANA lolakshi kamaroopini

There is so much to do, and am as usual watching movies. It is very rare that I watch a movie in full screen, I will be reading something in parallel or balancing my accts in other half of the screen, while I ffwd the movie for the actions and boring songs and watch the dance steps in those ridiculously fast and funny ways. This time, am watching Sorry Bhai in one half and Mauritius reminded me of my section mate’s honeymoon spot and I was googling it to see the island pics and then, suddenly Shabanas role reminded me of the most amazing woman I had met, I forgot her name, but she runs at least 2 beauty parlours in Chennai and she is from Sri Lanka.

There was this program on “Image building for corporate woman” or something like that. There were 17 of us, who went to this place past the Mylapore Bridge, nice posh daffodils hall, the usual place for these usual corporate training programs. It was kinda of raining that day, drizzling on and off and she came dressed in ivory white sari. There was something so elegant about her, so poised, so arresting. She snatched off one of the gal’s dupatta and said, you wear it this way. She showed us the colour combinations. She said, it is not her headache, if you get pimples it is because you are not careful. She said, people would come and ask her, if it helps to apply papaya and tomato on your face. I would rather say, eat them, rather than putting on your face. She spoke English in such a sweet Sinhalese way. She said how she saw us eating curd rice. Back there in Sri Lanka, women never had milk or curd in their food and she says we were lucky to have this. She said beauty was in how u carried yourself and all those gyan. She told these stories. When she was young, she stayed in the house where you could see the street below and the people walking on it. Every day, she and her mom used to see this handsome policeman. He was so handsome, that she and her mom, used to admire him so much and used to wait to see him from their balcony. Then when she was 18-19, that police man, came up to her house and asked her mom for Nayana's hand. Ya Nayana she is, Nayana is her name. Nayana was on cloud 9 and her mom was all ecstatic and said, Nayana should marry him, coz, he had asked her, before asking Nayana. Mom was all set for getting them married, but Nayana had her reservations. She told this story to make us follow our dreams. She wanted to be a hairdresser from the very beginning. Now she has more than 6 saloons in Sri Lanka and 2 in Chennai. She said, if she had married the policeman, she would have had to tag along with him, where ever, he got transferred and her dreams would have got shattered

She told how her rich husband ate chicken, nice hot pepper chicken. He and his friend would strip down to a loose lungi and sit down and eat chicken on a banana leaf. She said, the best way to man’s heart was his stomach. Don’t fight over, who has his or her way. She said, why bother, who has the remote. Let him have his way and u act the lady, gentle and dainty and he will lift the heavy groceries and do the hard jobs. Back home, of course, I didn’t have to act that way. Guess, right from the beginning, since Cheenu was there, he would never let me lift any heavy bag and I would be instead leaning heavily on him pulling his shirt and some point down the road, he would say, idho take my shirt, rather than tearing it away but I knew, that it was only till I let him have his way. Till this date, I don’t know, why he said to dad, he drank that whisky that I drank. That was the last time, dad got whisky in house. I loved presenting food. Even if it tea or coffee or plain water, it had be in that tray, beautifully placed. Even if it was sambar sadham, I used to present sambar sadham and curry beautifully decorated on the plate. But when he did it for me, the glass tumblers would have his dirty finger prints but I was glad. He would complain to mom, that I made him get water for me a dozen times, but though he complained, he got me water never the less. I was such lazy bones at times and had everyone ootify me rather than walk up to kitchen and serve myself. Cheenu was very protective and I started liking Scorpio guys because of Cheenu.

Back to Nayana, she had this beautiful way of doing things She had this 2 gold bangles and she said, I know, you are looking at these bangles. If you want something, go for it. She told this story of this guy, who pasted this picture of red Ferrari in his workplace cabin and she used to look at this picture every day and say, I am working for this. Next time, Nayana met him, the picture was not there and he said, look down and you can see the red Ferrari.

She said, she had 2 sons. One was in Australia, who was studying. She said, you need to prioritize and do things. I would often ask him to hire a maid, but he would not hire a maid. She said, cleaning the house, cooking was not exercise, unless, you broomed pretty briskly that you started sweating. I keep a maid, and ask her to prepare the dal and chapatti for dinner, while I take care of the clients. Spend time on things that are more productive she said.

Something, she said, after that, made me understand a mother in law’s perspective. She said, all these 20 years of my life, my son, would come home and come to me with ma on his lips. Now, when he comes home, he will go to another woman and I will have to prepare for that. I will have to share my son with some other woman.

She also, said, don’t sacrifice. If there is one egg, Indian mother usually gave it to her son. But if there is one egg, make an omelet and divide into 3 and share it. Show your son, how to share responsibilities instead of sacrificing every time. She was more than 50, but looked years younger. She is one lady I really admire. Back home, my mom, my periyamma, my grand mom, and my aunty everyone made up such creative lies to make us have the only glass of milk etc left. Gosh, wish mom had not made all those sacrifices.

She said, none of us, in the hall, wore any proper bras. She said, triumph was the only brand she wore. Years later, when I saw the rates, I decided, its better without any. She said, she came to tnagar to get her blouses stitched, because, there were no good tailors in Sri Lanka and we buy such costly saris and wear such ill fitting blouses. I was like thinking; someone taking flight to get her blouses stitched is so ridiculous. She said, she had 500+ saris and she has as many coloured petticoats. For me, it is the same one black acoba inskirt that I got specially stitched. For me anything, that does not fit in one small samsonite luggage used to get disposed when I shift, now thanks to my blazers, I have changed the policy to the bigger samsonite trolley. No more than one trolley of apparels. Why to hoard and wear something, once a decade? Why to hoard anything at all. Much before bhogi, I have started disposing everything, other than bare essentials.

Butterfly effect

It started with a one day trip i undertook alone through travels at the 11th hour. I was supposed to go with Nusrath. But i could not meet her and she had given up after waiting the whole day. I had to be with my brother at the railway station. That reminds me of the fine we had to pay, since i had not bought any platform ticket. All my life, i had never bothered about buying platform tickets. Since i mostly traveled alone. So after paying the fine, i was in a bad mood, and decided, whether Nusrath comes or not, I will go alone. I got the last seat in the tour bus. Luckily, i had a chinese gal and her blore friends to befriend. So it boils down the Tipu Sultan summer palace, i saw then. I read that Tipu recorded dreams. Back home, i didn't immediately start it. But i started jotting down my dreams as well regularly. Earlier, i used to jot down my dreams, only if it was outlandish, but now, the first thing, i do is write down my dreams to interpret the messages. That reminds me of Odyssey (or was it that?), the angels sent misleading dreams to the king, who acted accordingly and suffered. But why are not we not supposed to tell our dreams to any kasyap?

Okie coming back, the first thing, i do is mail even before getting out of bed, my bro and sis, my dream, if i don't have any exam or quiz that day. I have my end terms coming in 4 days and here i am wasting my time. I need to get back. Yes'day before i hit the bed, i was flipping through my diary that had entries from Aug 21, 2004. And it was like butterfly effect, as i read through my diary events and my dreams, it unfolded really. The reason, i had taken my diary was to sing along with the Aao na, song, especially the ga ga ri ga ga ri, ga ri ga ma ga ri stuff... and this dreams thing has cost me so many hours. And my dreams had continuation of the dreams i had years earlier. Butterfly effect indeed. You could go back in past into future, but lo, without choice, imposed on you.