These days, so many ask me who is this Shiva and only then I realize oh my god I have uttered Shiva again amidst these people. It used to Muruga Muruga at least till 7th std. I don’t know when this transition came. You don’t need god, if you identify yourself with god, for then you are the god, however, this advaithism (rather my understanding of it) is most of the times beyond me. Call it Hanuman syndrome or whatever…
We had a lingam at home and I used to clean it at times. I was in 5th standard then and I washed it with hamam soap one afternoon. Someone told me, that was wrong and I never touched the lingam again. However again many years later I got back to Shiva, primarily for escaping initially.
I was in 7th standard when we all went for the first thirupathi trip and we got those kids books telling about balaji puranam with pictures and I realized how shiva was cursed by Bhrighu to be worshiped only as lingam. I didn’t understand what lingam was then. Years later in 2005, my roomie happened to have City of Joy, and it was in this book that I realized what lingam meant. By then shiva had become everything for me. And it was very agonizing for me to realize that I was worshiping this symbol. I still remember the first time I went to Marundheeswarar temple in Thiruvanmiyur after I had finished that book. I had a clear darshan that evening. He was divinely glowing permeating a sense of calmness all around. However, I was in turmoil, it was like my base was shaken, there was nothing I could hold on to now.
I complained again to Sugi and she said she knew this long before. She was more of a Vishnu gal kind. She did not stand pratyankara devi, eventhough she was the one who introduced me to her. She is a typical acquarian who never ceases to remind me her higher astral plane, especially, the days after she finishes any Ayn Rand books.
Now, I have come to accept that this a path to spirituality. To realize the goodness and the god within. These foreigners have a coarse and superficial way of interpreting anything. And I have to change my perspective; which I have and found solace again in the good lord. So what if Kiran Desai shrugs it off in her 'Inheritance of Loss', so what if so many cultured gals shrug off, everything is divine and everything is shiva mayam…
We had a lingam at home and I used to clean it at times. I was in 5th standard then and I washed it with hamam soap one afternoon. Someone told me, that was wrong and I never touched the lingam again. However again many years later I got back to Shiva, primarily for escaping initially.
I was in 7th standard when we all went for the first thirupathi trip and we got those kids books telling about balaji puranam with pictures and I realized how shiva was cursed by Bhrighu to be worshiped only as lingam. I didn’t understand what lingam was then. Years later in 2005, my roomie happened to have City of Joy, and it was in this book that I realized what lingam meant. By then shiva had become everything for me. And it was very agonizing for me to realize that I was worshiping this symbol. I still remember the first time I went to Marundheeswarar temple in Thiruvanmiyur after I had finished that book. I had a clear darshan that evening. He was divinely glowing permeating a sense of calmness all around. However, I was in turmoil, it was like my base was shaken, there was nothing I could hold on to now.
I complained again to Sugi and she said she knew this long before. She was more of a Vishnu gal kind. She did not stand pratyankara devi, eventhough she was the one who introduced me to her. She is a typical acquarian who never ceases to remind me her higher astral plane, especially, the days after she finishes any Ayn Rand books.
Now, I have come to accept that this a path to spirituality. To realize the goodness and the god within. These foreigners have a coarse and superficial way of interpreting anything. And I have to change my perspective; which I have and found solace again in the good lord. So what if Kiran Desai shrugs it off in her 'Inheritance of Loss', so what if so many cultured gals shrug off, everything is divine and everything is shiva mayam…
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