After IIMB?

I still remember the afternoon in meena aunty’s house in 2003. I was arguing for joining MBA after my engineering, removing all my pins taking a year off after college. Swami said, NO, you are going for job. No more studies now. I left it at that. I got comfortably ensconced in cogni for 3 years till 2006 august. After that Friday nightmare, I really started wondering, what is the point in putting in all these late hours, losing life, for what? Ultimately, nothing.

2006 was decisive, which made me realize, what I felt dearer was no longer so. Made me value relationships more than money. In 2007, both sugi and cheenu got admission for their PGs. And I realized, being the eldest, I was the only one without a PG degree, a mere BTech. I thought about weekend classes, but to waste 3 years of Saturday Sundays for an executive MBA in IIMB was unimaginable for me. I really am amazed with how my managers managed. In fact, two of them of have said, that they could not give the exams due to various constraints.

This time round, when I said, I am going to join PGP, no one voiced any concern. My parents, siblings, even swami said, you will get what you want. Ilizarov frame was fit on may 10, 2007 to equalize my limbs. I got my CAT books on June 15. I tried practicing at home, however, I found, I could not focus. After 8 sums, my mind went back to TV in the guest house, that I had to crane and watch at the top corner of the room. On july 1st, I enrolled for TIME, paid 10K and joined the bandwagon. Everyone at home scolded me for draining 10K, for straining, when I had to take adequate rest.

After that, life was mechanical. I still remember, wincing with every jolt as I traveled in auto from wind tunnel road to cmh road to attend classes in Jain college. I made it a point not to think that 7 pins were poking in my left tibia. I never minded whose arms I held for support to climb upstairs for classes – sweeper, watchman, or student. I never bothered about propriety; I stretched my leg on the bench and attended classes. I concentrated on quants at night, since, that made me sleep sooner. I slept with the lights on, so that, when pain woke me up, I could do a few sums in quants and then go back to sleep.

I remember after a Sunday night class, when my pins had got infected. Every step squeezed out pus and what not. Every moment after a slight period of inactivity, mercilessly pulled my skin taut against the pins, rubbing painfully. I walked crying openly on CMH road not bothering about crutch palsy, as I hanged limp on to the crutches, as I waved for each passing auto. One out of 10 stopped, coz, it was not the best deal for auto wallahs to get a safari from cmh road to airport road.

By October, the pain subsided; I could feel my severed tibia strengthening. I could walk without shoulder crutches. But doctor insisted, the frame had to be there for 30 more days, every time, I went. I lost interest in CAT preparation. I just did what was assigned to me. I was miles behind my planned schedule. I found reasons to bunk weekend classes, but i made it a point not to miss, even a single AIMCAT. Since, I had paid, only 10k, they had blocked my scores. I didn’t know how I was performing wrt to my competitors. I just wrote exams and came back and tried to practice my solution set. I still remember, the calls I made home after a usually bad AIMCAT. I would say, I didn’t do well and pour out to sugi. She would patiently listen as I blabbered.

I still remember the early Saturday Sunday mornings, I would be settled in the hall, doing quants, and folks from neighbouring rooms would come and pry. At night, earlier, when my school mate used to call, I used to feel irritated that my preparation time was being encroached upon. Later, I gladly welcomed all interruptions, attended calls for hours at night. Recited lalitha for 1 hr almost every night. I started giving more importance to morning pranayam and asanas and evening recitation, when compared to my cat preparation.

To top it all, we had KPIs at work. On Nov 17, we had to come to office and spend 8 hrs. On Nov 18, I still remember, the ease with which I got the auto, which took me to malleswaram in a jiffy. I was practicing bahya pranayam, through out the auto trip. I did controlled breathing, I just wrote it, for the sake of getting over with it. Only during lunch, I realized, I had made lots of mistakes in verbal. I marked one question in quants after time was over, that got correct.

By December 20, the frame was removed. I was struck in hospital till jan 8. I got access to net only on Jan 12. When I saw that I had been short listed, I was pleasantly surprised. Then started fresh tension. SP Jain interview was the first. And anna successfully convinced me, that after 5 years or work experience, PG was not a big value add. Then FMS interspersed with B, K and L. I always said to myself, it is just me that I have to put forth, compete with. Don’t bother about those really smart guys and gals. I thought I had done well in K and L. I didn’t feel all that good after B interview. It was pouring that day and I felt my lips quavering towards the end. Though initially, it was a roller coaster ride. All the questions posed were expected and I had prepared for them and delivered kinda well. That day, I still remember, I was so disturbed. I am not a Bhagwad gita person. It was my roomie’s. When I randomly opened the book, the verse that I saw was on doing one’s karma without expecting results. I felt a bit calmer. I never bothered about results; in fact I remembered them, only when someone else asked about it.

Yesterday, I wore my lucky dress, for my weekend job interview. I could not wear that for any of the interviews, for; it was a 5 yr old plain chudidhar. I was going for pranic healing. My appointment was at 10 am. Around 9:40 Suma called up and asked about the results, only then, I remembered that it was the day of results. She was the one who told me that I had got selected; I still could not believe it. I frantically searched for a cyber café and saw that I was indeed selected in B. But later, the fee details started bugging me. Where is 10k in FMS and 10 lakhs in B for almost the same thing? Well, now, I am really not bothered. The fact, that god has given me this opportunity which my batch mates have been denied says something. Like it is another accident. It just happened. Now I have to carry on, strive harder, without salary for 2 years. Jumped from frying pan to fire. What next? Rat race? I will be 30 when I finish. Will 31 be too late for my son? Why bother?