I saw it for the first time on a Saturday evening. I had missed my pranayam in the morning and I thought, I could do it up on the terrace in the evening when the sun rays were milder on my skin. The clear sky was still my favourite blue and a gentle breeze was flowing through the mahilam tree that had golden yellow flowers blooming. 3rd std M - the boy who liked to dress up like gal and calls himself Lousiana, followed up stairs to the terrace as I sat to start my pranayam. With him was a brown dog. He had johnson’s baby shampoo and was pouring mugs of water on it and giving instructions to his jimmy with his wonderful hi-fi accent. I was amused to have company after a long Saturday of washing clothes and reading fiction and cooking a sole kadamba meal and eating all by myself after my roomie had vacated.
My eyes were still closed, when I felt something wet on my fingers. Jimmy was licking up my fingers. I got up and stood and it got between my legs and behind me to escape M. He was putting an orange blanket on it and trying to GodKnowsWhat do something to it. He asked, shall I throw it down? He is a cute little kid. I saw he was feeding the dog cashews and some biscuits. But he was like ordering it a bit too much. He had named it jimmy. He was like hitting it a bit too much. Kids never know what they are doing. Finally exasperated after all this jabberings, I asked him, how would he feel if, he were to be thrown from the terrace which was at the 3rd floor. He then dragged jimmy with the blanket down and that was it. I finished my pranayam and answered all calls under the beautiful sky.
2 days later, I heard a howling sound. I could not sleep that morning. It was 4 am kind and jimmy was howling its throat out. It reminded me of the nights post May 15 2007, when dogs howled past midnight till early mornings and gave me nightmares. I called up mom and disturbed her sleep as well, whining, how much this howling sound ate me alive. That night, I investigated and found jimmy was on the first floor junkyard. I had no gas over oven then. So I went out and got it a bun. The next day, I conveniently forgot about it. His ears and rear end were kinda infected. So our doctor uncle had asked his weekender grandson not to go anywhere near it. But for me, my sleep was sacrosanct. I would have done anything to stop it howling and crying at nights. So it started that way. Somehow, later, I could not eat my breakfast or dinner, if I had not given it something. My weekends out of station were full of remorse for having left jimmy to starve. So everyday, it was plain old bread and mixed fruit jam and water.
Later, I got the oven and filled gas, made extra rice and chappathi. It ate anything and everything. I checked with my cubicle mate, what dogs ate. I made it milk rice with sugar or chappathi with sugar and milk. Since, my down floor neighbour back home had told that sweety’s hair fell, if she was given salty food. Later when folks came home to stay for couple of days, mom and my chithi, used to admonish me stating, I should not bring jimmy’s bowl inside the house. It used to be always up there in that junkyard. It would wag its tail furiously and scratch its wonderful parts out and shake itself, when I was near it. It never came down the junkyard. But my 1st floor neighbour didn’t like it there. At times, it was prudent, it would throw the empty bowl down stairs, so that I don’t have to climb up and down and fill it with food.
All my neighbours wanted to shoo it away. But it never moved out anywhere. At times, it would bark at night and I would switch on the lights and see some shadow moving out hurriedly. Some times, when I opened the door, it would be waiting there patiently. Whenever, I went out, it would make so many pranks, running about for a short distance in a semicircle and then coming back, running and then again coming back. I decided not to talk to it, because, my neigbhours would hear it and say something. The other day, the opposite block neighbours were pouring buckets of water through the window to make it go away. To my knowledge, it howled only once that early morning. After that it was just stray barking, if someone came near the gate. But my neighbours kept complaining that the dog was howling the whole night. I checked with my dad and mom to see, if I had missed the howling sound, while I was asleep. They said, no it didn’t howl. There were at least 5-6 street dogs in our area. But jimmy was the leanest, diseased. Thought it got comparatively better now. I could not bear corporation folks killing it. But then, I have just this week. Who would take care of it, after I vacate? Blue cross? Then what about the other stray dogs? This morning, it enthusiastically accompanied me till BDA while I went for morning walk with dad on the railway parallel road. It gave me a gentle hit with its nose on my left calf against my jeans. Again, it gave me company till I boarded the office bus at 8:15. I really wonder, how it managed to cross 3 roads full of fast traffic and still follow me.
I can not take care of it till it is alive. No pets are allowed in the hostel. But is it bad to feed it while you can? Am I stealing its street smartness? But why does it not move away, even after I have long since stopped talking to it? What after this week?
Monday, May 26, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
After IIMB?
I still remember the afternoon in meena aunty’s house in 2003. I was arguing for joining MBA after my engineering, removing all my pins taking a year off after college. Swami said, NO, you are going for job. No more studies now. I left it at that. I got comfortably ensconced in cogni for 3 years till 2006 august. After that Friday nightmare, I really started wondering, what is the point in putting in all these late hours, losing life, for what? Ultimately, nothing.
2006 was decisive, which made me realize, what I felt dearer was no longer so. Made me value relationships more than money. In 2007, both sugi and cheenu got admission for their PGs. And I realized, being the eldest, I was the only one without a PG degree, a mere BTech. I thought about weekend classes, but to waste 3 years of Saturday Sundays for an executive MBA in IIMB was unimaginable for me. I really am amazed with how my managers managed. In fact, two of them of have said, that they could not give the exams due to various constraints.
This time round, when I said, I am going to join PGP, no one voiced any concern. My parents, siblings, even swami said, you will get what you want. Ilizarov frame was fit on may 10, 2007 to equalize my limbs. I got my CAT books on June 15. I tried practicing at home, however, I found, I could not focus. After 8 sums, my mind went back to TV in the guest house, that I had to crane and watch at the top corner of the room. On july 1st, I enrolled for TIME, paid 10K and joined the bandwagon. Everyone at home scolded me for draining 10K, for straining, when I had to take adequate rest.
After that, life was mechanical. I still remember, wincing with every jolt as I traveled in auto from wind tunnel road to cmh road to attend classes in Jain college. I made it a point not to think that 7 pins were poking in my left tibia. I never minded whose arms I held for support to climb upstairs for classes – sweeper, watchman, or student. I never bothered about propriety; I stretched my leg on the bench and attended classes. I concentrated on quants at night, since, that made me sleep sooner. I slept with the lights on, so that, when pain woke me up, I could do a few sums in quants and then go back to sleep.
I remember after a Sunday night class, when my pins had got infected. Every step squeezed out pus and what not. Every moment after a slight period of inactivity, mercilessly pulled my skin taut against the pins, rubbing painfully. I walked crying openly on CMH road not bothering about crutch palsy, as I hanged limp on to the crutches, as I waved for each passing auto. One out of 10 stopped, coz, it was not the best deal for auto wallahs to get a safari from cmh road to airport road.
By October, the pain subsided; I could feel my severed tibia strengthening. I could walk without shoulder crutches. But doctor insisted, the frame had to be there for 30 more days, every time, I went. I lost interest in CAT preparation. I just did what was assigned to me. I was miles behind my planned schedule. I found reasons to bunk weekend classes, but i made it a point not to miss, even a single AIMCAT. Since, I had paid, only 10k, they had blocked my scores. I didn’t know how I was performing wrt to my competitors. I just wrote exams and came back and tried to practice my solution set. I still remember, the calls I made home after a usually bad AIMCAT. I would say, I didn’t do well and pour out to sugi. She would patiently listen as I blabbered.
I still remember the early Saturday Sunday mornings, I would be settled in the hall, doing quants, and folks from neighbouring rooms would come and pry. At night, earlier, when my school mate used to call, I used to feel irritated that my preparation time was being encroached upon. Later, I gladly welcomed all interruptions, attended calls for hours at night. Recited lalitha for 1 hr almost every night. I started giving more importance to morning pranayam and asanas and evening recitation, when compared to my cat preparation.
To top it all, we had KPIs at work. On Nov 17, we had to come to office and spend 8 hrs. On Nov 18, I still remember, the ease with which I got the auto, which took me to malleswaram in a jiffy. I was practicing bahya pranayam, through out the auto trip. I did controlled breathing, I just wrote it, for the sake of getting over with it. Only during lunch, I realized, I had made lots of mistakes in verbal. I marked one question in quants after time was over, that got correct.
By December 20, the frame was removed. I was struck in hospital till jan 8. I got access to net only on Jan 12. When I saw that I had been short listed, I was pleasantly surprised. Then started fresh tension. SP Jain interview was the first. And anna successfully convinced me, that after 5 years or work experience, PG was not a big value add. Then FMS interspersed with B, K and L. I always said to myself, it is just me that I have to put forth, compete with. Don’t bother about those really smart guys and gals. I thought I had done well in K and L. I didn’t feel all that good after B interview. It was pouring that day and I felt my lips quavering towards the end. Though initially, it was a roller coaster ride. All the questions posed were expected and I had prepared for them and delivered kinda well. That day, I still remember, I was so disturbed. I am not a Bhagwad gita person. It was my roomie’s. When I randomly opened the book, the verse that I saw was on doing one’s karma without expecting results. I felt a bit calmer. I never bothered about results; in fact I remembered them, only when someone else asked about it.
Yesterday, I wore my lucky dress, for my weekend job interview. I could not wear that for any of the interviews, for; it was a 5 yr old plain chudidhar. I was going for pranic healing. My appointment was at 10 am. Around 9:40 Suma called up and asked about the results, only then, I remembered that it was the day of results. She was the one who told me that I had got selected; I still could not believe it. I frantically searched for a cyber café and saw that I was indeed selected in B. But later, the fee details started bugging me. Where is 10k in FMS and 10 lakhs in B for almost the same thing? Well, now, I am really not bothered. The fact, that god has given me this opportunity which my batch mates have been denied says something. Like it is another accident. It just happened. Now I have to carry on, strive harder, without salary for 2 years. Jumped from frying pan to fire. What next? Rat race? I will be 30 when I finish. Will 31 be too late for my son? Why bother?
2006 was decisive, which made me realize, what I felt dearer was no longer so. Made me value relationships more than money. In 2007, both sugi and cheenu got admission for their PGs. And I realized, being the eldest, I was the only one without a PG degree, a mere BTech. I thought about weekend classes, but to waste 3 years of Saturday Sundays for an executive MBA in IIMB was unimaginable for me. I really am amazed with how my managers managed. In fact, two of them of have said, that they could not give the exams due to various constraints.
This time round, when I said, I am going to join PGP, no one voiced any concern. My parents, siblings, even swami said, you will get what you want. Ilizarov frame was fit on may 10, 2007 to equalize my limbs. I got my CAT books on June 15. I tried practicing at home, however, I found, I could not focus. After 8 sums, my mind went back to TV in the guest house, that I had to crane and watch at the top corner of the room. On july 1st, I enrolled for TIME, paid 10K and joined the bandwagon. Everyone at home scolded me for draining 10K, for straining, when I had to take adequate rest.
After that, life was mechanical. I still remember, wincing with every jolt as I traveled in auto from wind tunnel road to cmh road to attend classes in Jain college. I made it a point not to think that 7 pins were poking in my left tibia. I never minded whose arms I held for support to climb upstairs for classes – sweeper, watchman, or student. I never bothered about propriety; I stretched my leg on the bench and attended classes. I concentrated on quants at night, since, that made me sleep sooner. I slept with the lights on, so that, when pain woke me up, I could do a few sums in quants and then go back to sleep.
I remember after a Sunday night class, when my pins had got infected. Every step squeezed out pus and what not. Every moment after a slight period of inactivity, mercilessly pulled my skin taut against the pins, rubbing painfully. I walked crying openly on CMH road not bothering about crutch palsy, as I hanged limp on to the crutches, as I waved for each passing auto. One out of 10 stopped, coz, it was not the best deal for auto wallahs to get a safari from cmh road to airport road.
By October, the pain subsided; I could feel my severed tibia strengthening. I could walk without shoulder crutches. But doctor insisted, the frame had to be there for 30 more days, every time, I went. I lost interest in CAT preparation. I just did what was assigned to me. I was miles behind my planned schedule. I found reasons to bunk weekend classes, but i made it a point not to miss, even a single AIMCAT. Since, I had paid, only 10k, they had blocked my scores. I didn’t know how I was performing wrt to my competitors. I just wrote exams and came back and tried to practice my solution set. I still remember, the calls I made home after a usually bad AIMCAT. I would say, I didn’t do well and pour out to sugi. She would patiently listen as I blabbered.
I still remember the early Saturday Sunday mornings, I would be settled in the hall, doing quants, and folks from neighbouring rooms would come and pry. At night, earlier, when my school mate used to call, I used to feel irritated that my preparation time was being encroached upon. Later, I gladly welcomed all interruptions, attended calls for hours at night. Recited lalitha for 1 hr almost every night. I started giving more importance to morning pranayam and asanas and evening recitation, when compared to my cat preparation.
To top it all, we had KPIs at work. On Nov 17, we had to come to office and spend 8 hrs. On Nov 18, I still remember, the ease with which I got the auto, which took me to malleswaram in a jiffy. I was practicing bahya pranayam, through out the auto trip. I did controlled breathing, I just wrote it, for the sake of getting over with it. Only during lunch, I realized, I had made lots of mistakes in verbal. I marked one question in quants after time was over, that got correct.
By December 20, the frame was removed. I was struck in hospital till jan 8. I got access to net only on Jan 12. When I saw that I had been short listed, I was pleasantly surprised. Then started fresh tension. SP Jain interview was the first. And anna successfully convinced me, that after 5 years or work experience, PG was not a big value add. Then FMS interspersed with B, K and L. I always said to myself, it is just me that I have to put forth, compete with. Don’t bother about those really smart guys and gals. I thought I had done well in K and L. I didn’t feel all that good after B interview. It was pouring that day and I felt my lips quavering towards the end. Though initially, it was a roller coaster ride. All the questions posed were expected and I had prepared for them and delivered kinda well. That day, I still remember, I was so disturbed. I am not a Bhagwad gita person. It was my roomie’s. When I randomly opened the book, the verse that I saw was on doing one’s karma without expecting results. I felt a bit calmer. I never bothered about results; in fact I remembered them, only when someone else asked about it.
Yesterday, I wore my lucky dress, for my weekend job interview. I could not wear that for any of the interviews, for; it was a 5 yr old plain chudidhar. I was going for pranic healing. My appointment was at 10 am. Around 9:40 Suma called up and asked about the results, only then, I remembered that it was the day of results. She was the one who told me that I had got selected; I still could not believe it. I frantically searched for a cyber café and saw that I was indeed selected in B. But later, the fee details started bugging me. Where is 10k in FMS and 10 lakhs in B for almost the same thing? Well, now, I am really not bothered. The fact, that god has given me this opportunity which my batch mates have been denied says something. Like it is another accident. It just happened. Now I have to carry on, strive harder, without salary for 2 years. Jumped from frying pan to fire. What next? Rat race? I will be 30 when I finish. Will 31 be too late for my son? Why bother?
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