It started with a one day trip i undertook alone through travels at the 11th hour. I was supposed to go with Nusrath. But i could not meet her and she had given up after waiting the whole day. I had to be with my brother at the railway station. That reminds me of the fine we had to pay, since i had not bought any platform ticket. All my life, i had never bothered about buying platform tickets. Since i mostly traveled alone. So after paying the fine, i was in a bad mood, and decided, whether Nusrath comes or not, I will go alone. I got the last seat in the tour bus. Luckily, i had a chinese gal and her blore friends to befriend. So it boils down the Tipu Sultan summer palace, i saw then. I read that Tipu recorded dreams. Back home, i didn't immediately start it. But i started jotting down my dreams as well regularly. Earlier, i used to jot down my dreams, only if it was outlandish, but now, the first thing, i do is write down my dreams to interpret the messages. That reminds me of Odyssey (or was it that?), the angels sent misleading dreams to the king, who acted accordingly and suffered. But why are not we not supposed to tell our dreams to any kasyap?
Okie coming back, the first thing, i do is mail even before getting out of bed, my bro and sis, my dream, if i don't have any exam or quiz that day. I have my end terms coming in 4 days and here i am wasting my time. I need to get back. Yes'day before i hit the bed, i was flipping through my diary that had entries from Aug 21, 2004. And it was like butterfly effect, as i read through my diary events and my dreams, it unfolded really. The reason, i had taken my diary was to sing along with the Aao na, song, especially the ga ga ri ga ga ri, ga ri ga ma ga ri stuff... and this dreams thing has cost me so many hours. And my dreams had continuation of the dreams i had years earlier. Butterfly effect indeed. You could go back in past into future, but lo, without choice, imposed on you.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Funny things that i have done
I never believe in equality of men and women. Equality of people also. God has created everyone with a purpose, to fulfill their karma obligations and proceed to higher spiritual levels. I believe, everyone gets everything one wants in the end, if not in this janma in the next. These days, am so afraid of wanting anything in life. Am going to take life just as it comes with no expectations.
One of my section mates is getting married next week and all the institute gals made a video to be sent to his future wife and father-in-law which contained messages of how much each of the gals wanted him and felt bad that he was getting married. I was supposed to sob and say, how I was cheated and how sad I was that he was getting married. Another married section mate’s testimony was how disappointed she was that he left her, after she had left her husband for him. And so on.
All my life, it has mostly been guys asking and me escaping or carrying on for a while to eventually part and move on. The first and the only time, all my life, I ever initiated this crap was for one Oct 27 guy, even though I knew he was not my destined one. We had gone to M Engg college in final year for inter college fest, way back in 2002. It was past 4 pm and there was this face painting competition. Those were the days without mobile and I had no face to paint on. I was walking wearily towards to venue and suddenly he passed by and I kept moving on. Think god sent some signal; I turned back and asked him, if he would let me paint on his face. Yes, am very good at talking to strangers first time but I am never good at keeping in touch with anyone in the long run. He agreed. The venue was in the first or second floor. It was hot. Unlike Blore, Trichy is a hot oven. I was sweating profusely and I found I had 5 minutes before the competition started. I went and washed my face and found he was searching for me when I returned just in time.
So the event started and I appraised his charming face and painted his one side and the next side and went on to describe the theme and idea I was going to tell finally. Due to 6-9 Venus-mars combos, or I don’t know what, I kept stepping back once a while to gaze at him. I painted his eyes towards the end. He turned his face as I wanted and posed elegantly. He wore bright lemon yellow shirt that day and I had painted half his face white and half black with other things as well. Think, he was the college charmer as well. The gals who were the judges were flirting with him.
That evening, more than an hour later, he still had not washed his face and he came on stage for a dance with the face painting on. I was flustered. More than my painting, am sure, it was because he was the popular charming guy that I got the first prize that day. And I got one more first again, not for artistry, but for my wordings. It was 3 am when I reached home that night. Thanks to the actor who came late for distributing prizes. Phone was not working at home. Luckily there was one more gal from my place and I joined her father. Back home, my parents, would never bother asking, why I was late. If dad didn’t open the door, I would lie up in the terrace. But that happened just once.
For the first time, I lost my appetite, I tried to slim down, and I was more concerned with my appearance and was angry for the surgical scars and my legs. Ever since 1999, I had given up on my right leg due to the pain. He was the reason, I started to use my right leg to climb up stairs and it was a great joy to discover that I could climb up with both the legs. Later that night, I found my hands hurting, coz I used my hands for support. I had got his mail id and I simply could not get him off my mind. I kept mailing him all nonsense that I don’t completely remember. He replied. Probably he is the only guy in this whole world who called me a panni kutti, vaadi podi and I didn’t mind. I liked everything about him. He was unabashed in his replies. I told him about my caste and scars and he told me that he had an elder brother who was mentally challenged and he was the only hope for his orthodox grandfather. I had separate mail id created for his mails and 6 years later, I don’t remember the password or the id. I didn’t contact him after 2003. I saw him once on webcam, he was webcasting for his sister and I saw his elder brother. That makes me wonder about garuda puranam. Most of the mentally challenged kids that I see, are born as Brahmins. Some rule? I continued sending him bday mails and mailed for a while and as usual, I moved on. Even now, every year, along with poonam’s I remember his bday since they both share the same bday. Am wondering, whether it is a coincidence that my only school friend from 4th standard and he share the same b’ day. He was a moon Cancerian that reflected his responses.
I am very bad at concealing feelings, right from my mentor, to my lecturer, to all my college mates, and back home, he was the topic of my conversations. My lecturer was amused. My mentor told me his sad story after we called it quits.
He joined MTech in S and we had off campus there. I was again all excited all the way from home to his college and was hoping I would bump into him some time. But guess, life has other plans. So the point is, those were the years, when I was thinking, it is the guy who should propose. But in the video we took now, every gal acted so convincingly as to how much we “loved” V and didn’t want him to get married. In the long run, nothing matters. Even if a person gets married or loves, that is just a temporary phase dictated by planets. When the combos turn sour, so do the very same intimate relationships. I have seen people loving for 7 years before marriage and fighting and abusing each other physically, verbally later. What is the point? Some even resort to murder. Whats all this fuss about marriage and love? For something so temporary, so ephemeral. Except for those minority padminis and rare guys, are there any faithful guys left. Again, what is this selfish love that you feel for that one person that makes you kill another person to protect your loved one, or hate the rest of the humanity for treasuring that one love? Is it that, if in the previous janma more than one love one person, then in this janma, he or she might have two partners phased out. I remember Autobiography of yogi saying, love everyone, coz, you might never know, they might have been your fathers, mothers, kids, wives and husbands in the previous janmas.
If we could all love each other selflessly, and generated only positive thoughts, the whole world would be a beautiful and peaceful place without acts of such terrorism. It is because one lustfully or selfishly loves one person above this whole world that all the worlds’ sorrows arise. What gives one the most joy, creates the most distress in its absence. Is it true joy in the first place, if it was merely satisfied with senses? And if life now is not for gratifying your senses but abstaining from all this, what is then the big deal? Is it just escapism to shirk from your worldly duties and want liberation? What is moksha?
One of my section mates is getting married next week and all the institute gals made a video to be sent to his future wife and father-in-law which contained messages of how much each of the gals wanted him and felt bad that he was getting married. I was supposed to sob and say, how I was cheated and how sad I was that he was getting married. Another married section mate’s testimony was how disappointed she was that he left her, after she had left her husband for him. And so on.
All my life, it has mostly been guys asking and me escaping or carrying on for a while to eventually part and move on. The first and the only time, all my life, I ever initiated this crap was for one Oct 27 guy, even though I knew he was not my destined one. We had gone to M Engg college in final year for inter college fest, way back in 2002. It was past 4 pm and there was this face painting competition. Those were the days without mobile and I had no face to paint on. I was walking wearily towards to venue and suddenly he passed by and I kept moving on. Think god sent some signal; I turned back and asked him, if he would let me paint on his face. Yes, am very good at talking to strangers first time but I am never good at keeping in touch with anyone in the long run. He agreed. The venue was in the first or second floor. It was hot. Unlike Blore, Trichy is a hot oven. I was sweating profusely and I found I had 5 minutes before the competition started. I went and washed my face and found he was searching for me when I returned just in time.
So the event started and I appraised his charming face and painted his one side and the next side and went on to describe the theme and idea I was going to tell finally. Due to 6-9 Venus-mars combos, or I don’t know what, I kept stepping back once a while to gaze at him. I painted his eyes towards the end. He turned his face as I wanted and posed elegantly. He wore bright lemon yellow shirt that day and I had painted half his face white and half black with other things as well. Think, he was the college charmer as well. The gals who were the judges were flirting with him.
That evening, more than an hour later, he still had not washed his face and he came on stage for a dance with the face painting on. I was flustered. More than my painting, am sure, it was because he was the popular charming guy that I got the first prize that day. And I got one more first again, not for artistry, but for my wordings. It was 3 am when I reached home that night. Thanks to the actor who came late for distributing prizes. Phone was not working at home. Luckily there was one more gal from my place and I joined her father. Back home, my parents, would never bother asking, why I was late. If dad didn’t open the door, I would lie up in the terrace. But that happened just once.
For the first time, I lost my appetite, I tried to slim down, and I was more concerned with my appearance and was angry for the surgical scars and my legs. Ever since 1999, I had given up on my right leg due to the pain. He was the reason, I started to use my right leg to climb up stairs and it was a great joy to discover that I could climb up with both the legs. Later that night, I found my hands hurting, coz I used my hands for support. I had got his mail id and I simply could not get him off my mind. I kept mailing him all nonsense that I don’t completely remember. He replied. Probably he is the only guy in this whole world who called me a panni kutti, vaadi podi and I didn’t mind. I liked everything about him. He was unabashed in his replies. I told him about my caste and scars and he told me that he had an elder brother who was mentally challenged and he was the only hope for his orthodox grandfather. I had separate mail id created for his mails and 6 years later, I don’t remember the password or the id. I didn’t contact him after 2003. I saw him once on webcam, he was webcasting for his sister and I saw his elder brother. That makes me wonder about garuda puranam. Most of the mentally challenged kids that I see, are born as Brahmins. Some rule? I continued sending him bday mails and mailed for a while and as usual, I moved on. Even now, every year, along with poonam’s I remember his bday since they both share the same bday. Am wondering, whether it is a coincidence that my only school friend from 4th standard and he share the same b’ day. He was a moon Cancerian that reflected his responses.
I am very bad at concealing feelings, right from my mentor, to my lecturer, to all my college mates, and back home, he was the topic of my conversations. My lecturer was amused. My mentor told me his sad story after we called it quits.
He joined MTech in S and we had off campus there. I was again all excited all the way from home to his college and was hoping I would bump into him some time. But guess, life has other plans. So the point is, those were the years, when I was thinking, it is the guy who should propose. But in the video we took now, every gal acted so convincingly as to how much we “loved” V and didn’t want him to get married. In the long run, nothing matters. Even if a person gets married or loves, that is just a temporary phase dictated by planets. When the combos turn sour, so do the very same intimate relationships. I have seen people loving for 7 years before marriage and fighting and abusing each other physically, verbally later. What is the point? Some even resort to murder. Whats all this fuss about marriage and love? For something so temporary, so ephemeral. Except for those minority padminis and rare guys, are there any faithful guys left. Again, what is this selfish love that you feel for that one person that makes you kill another person to protect your loved one, or hate the rest of the humanity for treasuring that one love? Is it that, if in the previous janma more than one love one person, then in this janma, he or she might have two partners phased out. I remember Autobiography of yogi saying, love everyone, coz, you might never know, they might have been your fathers, mothers, kids, wives and husbands in the previous janmas.
If we could all love each other selflessly, and generated only positive thoughts, the whole world would be a beautiful and peaceful place without acts of such terrorism. It is because one lustfully or selfishly loves one person above this whole world that all the worlds’ sorrows arise. What gives one the most joy, creates the most distress in its absence. Is it true joy in the first place, if it was merely satisfied with senses? And if life now is not for gratifying your senses but abstaining from all this, what is then the big deal? Is it just escapism to shirk from your worldly duties and want liberation? What is moksha?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Western Ghatts with Mom
Inception
Well, it all started because of SGN. He described the beauty of Kollur Mookambiga and the idea for Sringeri came from YL amma. She was the one who suggested I go to Sankara matt, that lazy Sunday and the Vivekacudamani (it took me quite some time, to get the pronunciation right).
I was supposed to have gone with SGN on the weekend before summer placements, but it got canceled because of prasna with his guruji. And last weekend, my section folks were going unfortunately to Wayanad. If I had not gone this April, I could have gone with my friends now and had a galla time. Ok back to this weekend.
The trip
So how unplanned can one get for a trip? I was asking my roomie S, our hostel office uncle, couple of friends, Udipi seniors and at last, I decided, enough of this planning and left on the spur of the moment to majestic, without even looking at the bus timings in net. Mom could not cut office on Thursday for the KSTDC tour. I reached majestic at 5:45 and booked tickets till Sringeri and return tickets from Murudeswar for 23 November. Nothing else planned. The bus was supposed to leave at 8:45 and we had 3 hours. So I took an auto and went to ISKCON to kill time. It was the 5th time I was going, and it was the 3rd for mom and we were already bored with ISKCON. I could never sense the vibrations theere that i could feel in a small temple like Gavi Gangadhar temple.
Sringeri
So we took the ordinary bus to Sringeri and the road was so riddled with potholes at places. Somehow, both mom and I agreed that it was actually good for body, since the bus actually threw us up and down and since we were lying down, it actually, really helped me a lot. I had no pains of bus travel the next day. I dreamt of Shanmu’s mom who metamorphosed into my 5th class Saroja ma’m. I was half asleep and dreamt of sunrise.
We reached the temple around 6 am. From outside, it didn’t look like a temple at all. Some tin fences and a reception office. We were searching for a place to take bath and found the temple accommodation. The guy out there directed us to go to the temple reception. We took on the nearby lodge but there was no one there at the reception. So we walked back to the temple reception and found that reception guy, gave rooms only for those who had contacts. So we had to walk back and tried the lodges out there once more and later, we decided to walk to the other lodge a little bit far away and found the place was yucky and the charge of 450 disproportionate for the place. So we again made a first round and took bath in the free place. It was not so neat, not so disgusting as well. Water stopped while I was till brushing my teeth and came only after I had finished my bath. I found, I had forgot to pack my chudidhar pants and had to roam about in my grey jeans and sweat pants. Mom was not feeling good about this whole thing. There was no place to keep our luggage as well and we had to take it inside the temple, where it was clearly said, the temple is not responsible for the luggage. We left it at one sannidhi and took on to seeing all other temples.
Sringeri Temple
The best part was the unpainted Vidyasankara temple. The whole place permeated some kind of radiance that transported you to another plane. It felt so divine there. And we moved to the rivulet and found such big big black fishes which jostled against each other to gobble the little pori and biscuit that people threw. Man, I kept watching those fishes. It was as if the whole river was black with moss, which turned out to be these big black fishes. Mom said, it looked as if these fishes were bound by some promise.
Once we finished our darshan, we went out had breakfast at a place next to Maruthi bhavan, where the idlies were horrible and I left mom there to check out the bus timings to Kollur. We had the option to go to Horanadu, but I thought it would be overkill to tax mom. Besides my ex roomie had said, that the temple was not all that great. But yes’day my senior SB was saying, Horanadu beckoned him, it was such a beautiful place. And then I felt, yes, we should have gone there. So after making the enquiries, I dragged mom back to the temple where we crossed the bridge and went to the ashram were people came dressed in panchakajams and madisaar with lots of fruits for some pooja. I sat there, trying to read lalitha, and found I was soon distracted with the way people dressed and by the sexy legs of maamis walking like demure Japanese ladies clad in kimono. Think, it was not my praaptham to see Bharathi swamigal. I could have sat for almost an hour in that meditation hall kind of thing and found myself walking away, few minutes before Bharathi swamigal came in. There was big line of people waiting to see the seer. Guys were asked to remove their shirt by the security. I was amused to find “Beware of Snakes” instead of the usual warning. I wanted to see a snake. There were two elephants, undecorated. Mom said, they had so many scars because the mahouts had poked them with metal hooks, which I was not able to spot. We had our lunch at hotel in the first floor, which was again horrible and boarded the bus to Udipi.
Kollur Mookambiga Temple
The trip back to Udipi was nauseating somehow, with the bad road and the ghatts. I tried on lie on mom’s lap and it was a great relief when we alighted at Udipi. I wanted to see the temple here but found a Kollur bus was about to start. We sat in the first seat and after a long time, I found myself enjoying the way, in which the driver overtook and sped by, instead of experiencing heart attacks with every sudden brake. We reached Kollur around 7 pm and we found a room right in the bus stand for a mere Rs. 60 a night. It was spacious, clean and really good. We took bath and had a peaceful darshan and had dinner in the temple. Hot food and decent one on banana leaf for annadhanam. We returned to the room and I collapsed till 7 am. Mom was ready by the time, I woke up. We had apples first thing in the morning and again went back to the temple. I dragged mom to see the place, where Sugi was apparently swept down the shabernika river, when she was 18 months old. I sometimes wonder, whether this is linked to the fact that this is her last janma. The temple was crowded and we finished darshan.
Kodachadri
After temple, we found a jeep waiting to go to kodachadri, which just required 2 more people. We were told it was 150 per head and we were charged 175. We sat in the front seat along with the driver. We had a mallu family behind us and there was a wailing kid uphill. Downhill, it sang songs and that was good.
Once we reached a small brook, the driver got down and opened the jeep front windshield or whatever you call that and fresh cold breeze caressed us. Mom was instantly transformed. She exclaimed, hey look water. Hey look at this and that. I was glad for those moments. I really wonder how the guy drove the jeep. It was fabulous though. The view was awesome. I kept wondering, how come, there was so much of water logged between the mountains; it was like a river meandering between the mountains. Or is the water simply floating between these hilltops. At kodachadri, we walked up to ganesha cave, where Shankaracharya was supposed to have reached Kollur crawling through that cave. There was an 11 yr old Praveen who gave me a hand and acted the guide. Right at the beginning, mom stopped and said, no more, it took so much of cajoling to get mom up to the ganesha temple and later when the driver came to know, that we went only till the Ganesha cave, he was laughing that we missed the main parvatheswar 10 minutes further up. Well whatever, the view till ganesha temple was too good. The shadow of the clouds falling on the green hill tops, the strong gust of cool breeze, lush greenery all around, I felt like a bird flying high.
Bainoor-Bhatkal
It was 2 pm, when we came back to kollur busstand and the driver suggested Arya bhavan hotel, which served mallu lunch, that was too good compared to what we had been eating all this long. The moment, we came back to bus stand, there was bus starting for Bainoor. It was hot by then. At Bainoor, we took a van to Bhatkal. Who invented this thing - jam packed? It should be van packed. The last time, I traveled in such a van was in cognizant 1st year. The vans were later abolished following few kids’ deaths. There were 5 in the front, 4 in the middle and 5 behind, 3-4 next to the driver. We took another van to Murudeswar where, we sat near next to the driver.
Murudeswar
Murudeswar was good. It was not like going to temple, it was more like going to a beach. I quickly finished darshan to play in the sea water. We took on to the boat and missed sun set by matter of few minutes. It got dark so soon. Mom wanted to reach the water and found that water was not reachable since the boat parted water. It was the last trip and the boat was going to all other boats and the guys clambered to this big boat one by one. I felt, what if these guys were pirates and took on to knife and demanded money in the middle of the sea. Leave my paranoia. The guys were just jumping and shouting after a hard day’s work. Mom was in a hurry to board the bus at 7:30 pm. So at 7 pm, we moved away from the water and ate hot tasty parotta and green peas kurma in Bharath Bhavan which the auto guy suggested as pure veg hotel. He dropped us in a dark place stating that this was the bus stand. There was no current and it was pitch dark, past 7:30 and I was worried thinking, I had missed the bus. I tried calling up ksrtc customer service no. given behind the ticket, but no one answered. It was small bus stand, and I was wondering, whether the autowallah had dropped us at the right place. Luckily I found, there were other guys who were going to Blore waiting for the same Rajahamsa. That bus came close to 8 pm and we boarded it. Later it developed some problem with the crankshaft and with great difficulty, the driver got us till Shimoga at 2 am. After waiting for almost an hour, we got another bus and reached hostel at 9:30 am. Temple wise Shringeri was the best, convenience wise Kollur, but scenary wise Kodachadri beat them all. Back to studies now. Got test tomorrow.
Well, it all started because of SGN. He described the beauty of Kollur Mookambiga and the idea for Sringeri came from YL amma. She was the one who suggested I go to Sankara matt, that lazy Sunday and the Vivekacudamani (it took me quite some time, to get the pronunciation right).
I was supposed to have gone with SGN on the weekend before summer placements, but it got canceled because of prasna with his guruji. And last weekend, my section folks were going unfortunately to Wayanad. If I had not gone this April, I could have gone with my friends now and had a galla time. Ok back to this weekend.
The trip
So how unplanned can one get for a trip? I was asking my roomie S, our hostel office uncle, couple of friends, Udipi seniors and at last, I decided, enough of this planning and left on the spur of the moment to majestic, without even looking at the bus timings in net. Mom could not cut office on Thursday for the KSTDC tour. I reached majestic at 5:45 and booked tickets till Sringeri and return tickets from Murudeswar for 23 November. Nothing else planned. The bus was supposed to leave at 8:45 and we had 3 hours. So I took an auto and went to ISKCON to kill time. It was the 5th time I was going, and it was the 3rd for mom and we were already bored with ISKCON. I could never sense the vibrations theere that i could feel in a small temple like Gavi Gangadhar temple.
Sringeri
So we took the ordinary bus to Sringeri and the road was so riddled with potholes at places. Somehow, both mom and I agreed that it was actually good for body, since the bus actually threw us up and down and since we were lying down, it actually, really helped me a lot. I had no pains of bus travel the next day. I dreamt of Shanmu’s mom who metamorphosed into my 5th class Saroja ma’m. I was half asleep and dreamt of sunrise.
We reached the temple around 6 am. From outside, it didn’t look like a temple at all. Some tin fences and a reception office. We were searching for a place to take bath and found the temple accommodation. The guy out there directed us to go to the temple reception. We took on the nearby lodge but there was no one there at the reception. So we walked back to the temple reception and found that reception guy, gave rooms only for those who had contacts. So we had to walk back and tried the lodges out there once more and later, we decided to walk to the other lodge a little bit far away and found the place was yucky and the charge of 450 disproportionate for the place. So we again made a first round and took bath in the free place. It was not so neat, not so disgusting as well. Water stopped while I was till brushing my teeth and came only after I had finished my bath. I found, I had forgot to pack my chudidhar pants and had to roam about in my grey jeans and sweat pants. Mom was not feeling good about this whole thing. There was no place to keep our luggage as well and we had to take it inside the temple, where it was clearly said, the temple is not responsible for the luggage. We left it at one sannidhi and took on to seeing all other temples.
Sringeri Temple
The best part was the unpainted Vidyasankara temple. The whole place permeated some kind of radiance that transported you to another plane. It felt so divine there. And we moved to the rivulet and found such big big black fishes which jostled against each other to gobble the little pori and biscuit that people threw. Man, I kept watching those fishes. It was as if the whole river was black with moss, which turned out to be these big black fishes. Mom said, it looked as if these fishes were bound by some promise.
Once we finished our darshan, we went out had breakfast at a place next to Maruthi bhavan, where the idlies were horrible and I left mom there to check out the bus timings to Kollur. We had the option to go to Horanadu, but I thought it would be overkill to tax mom. Besides my ex roomie had said, that the temple was not all that great. But yes’day my senior SB was saying, Horanadu beckoned him, it was such a beautiful place. And then I felt, yes, we should have gone there. So after making the enquiries, I dragged mom back to the temple where we crossed the bridge and went to the ashram were people came dressed in panchakajams and madisaar with lots of fruits for some pooja. I sat there, trying to read lalitha, and found I was soon distracted with the way people dressed and by the sexy legs of maamis walking like demure Japanese ladies clad in kimono. Think, it was not my praaptham to see Bharathi swamigal. I could have sat for almost an hour in that meditation hall kind of thing and found myself walking away, few minutes before Bharathi swamigal came in. There was big line of people waiting to see the seer. Guys were asked to remove their shirt by the security. I was amused to find “Beware of Snakes” instead of the usual warning. I wanted to see a snake. There were two elephants, undecorated. Mom said, they had so many scars because the mahouts had poked them with metal hooks, which I was not able to spot. We had our lunch at hotel in the first floor, which was again horrible and boarded the bus to Udipi.
Kollur Mookambiga Temple
The trip back to Udipi was nauseating somehow, with the bad road and the ghatts. I tried on lie on mom’s lap and it was a great relief when we alighted at Udipi. I wanted to see the temple here but found a Kollur bus was about to start. We sat in the first seat and after a long time, I found myself enjoying the way, in which the driver overtook and sped by, instead of experiencing heart attacks with every sudden brake. We reached Kollur around 7 pm and we found a room right in the bus stand for a mere Rs. 60 a night. It was spacious, clean and really good. We took bath and had a peaceful darshan and had dinner in the temple. Hot food and decent one on banana leaf for annadhanam. We returned to the room and I collapsed till 7 am. Mom was ready by the time, I woke up. We had apples first thing in the morning and again went back to the temple. I dragged mom to see the place, where Sugi was apparently swept down the shabernika river, when she was 18 months old. I sometimes wonder, whether this is linked to the fact that this is her last janma. The temple was crowded and we finished darshan.
Kodachadri
After temple, we found a jeep waiting to go to kodachadri, which just required 2 more people. We were told it was 150 per head and we were charged 175. We sat in the front seat along with the driver. We had a mallu family behind us and there was a wailing kid uphill. Downhill, it sang songs and that was good.
Once we reached a small brook, the driver got down and opened the jeep front windshield or whatever you call that and fresh cold breeze caressed us. Mom was instantly transformed. She exclaimed, hey look water. Hey look at this and that. I was glad for those moments. I really wonder how the guy drove the jeep. It was fabulous though. The view was awesome. I kept wondering, how come, there was so much of water logged between the mountains; it was like a river meandering between the mountains. Or is the water simply floating between these hilltops. At kodachadri, we walked up to ganesha cave, where Shankaracharya was supposed to have reached Kollur crawling through that cave. There was an 11 yr old Praveen who gave me a hand and acted the guide. Right at the beginning, mom stopped and said, no more, it took so much of cajoling to get mom up to the ganesha temple and later when the driver came to know, that we went only till the Ganesha cave, he was laughing that we missed the main parvatheswar 10 minutes further up. Well whatever, the view till ganesha temple was too good. The shadow of the clouds falling on the green hill tops, the strong gust of cool breeze, lush greenery all around, I felt like a bird flying high.
Bainoor-Bhatkal
It was 2 pm, when we came back to kollur busstand and the driver suggested Arya bhavan hotel, which served mallu lunch, that was too good compared to what we had been eating all this long. The moment, we came back to bus stand, there was bus starting for Bainoor. It was hot by then. At Bainoor, we took a van to Bhatkal. Who invented this thing - jam packed? It should be van packed. The last time, I traveled in such a van was in cognizant 1st year. The vans were later abolished following few kids’ deaths. There were 5 in the front, 4 in the middle and 5 behind, 3-4 next to the driver. We took another van to Murudeswar where, we sat near next to the driver.
Murudeswar
Murudeswar was good. It was not like going to temple, it was more like going to a beach. I quickly finished darshan to play in the sea water. We took on to the boat and missed sun set by matter of few minutes. It got dark so soon. Mom wanted to reach the water and found that water was not reachable since the boat parted water. It was the last trip and the boat was going to all other boats and the guys clambered to this big boat one by one. I felt, what if these guys were pirates and took on to knife and demanded money in the middle of the sea. Leave my paranoia. The guys were just jumping and shouting after a hard day’s work. Mom was in a hurry to board the bus at 7:30 pm. So at 7 pm, we moved away from the water and ate hot tasty parotta and green peas kurma in Bharath Bhavan which the auto guy suggested as pure veg hotel. He dropped us in a dark place stating that this was the bus stand. There was no current and it was pitch dark, past 7:30 and I was worried thinking, I had missed the bus. I tried calling up ksrtc customer service no. given behind the ticket, but no one answered. It was small bus stand, and I was wondering, whether the autowallah had dropped us at the right place. Luckily I found, there were other guys who were going to Blore waiting for the same Rajahamsa. That bus came close to 8 pm and we boarded it. Later it developed some problem with the crankshaft and with great difficulty, the driver got us till Shimoga at 2 am. After waiting for almost an hour, we got another bus and reached hostel at 9:30 am. Temple wise Shringeri was the best, convenience wise Kollur, but scenary wise Kodachadri beat them all. Back to studies now. Got test tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
15 minutes
I have decided to write only for 15 minutes. So much to do now. S got into P. They actually sent a bike to get her from the hostel block and she made it and am really glad. Not sure abt K though.
The thing, i wanted to write abt was my silver anklet. Yes, nothing is mine in the long run. I realized that this anklet could come out without unhooking, once when i removed my socks last month. I didn't realize it was that loose. The first time, it slipped out was while i was searching for PG in blore early this year. I thought, i had a slimy, slippery insect inside my shoes, only to find that my left anklet had come slipped into my shoes. This evening, after waiting till 5:30, i decided to push off and found that on coming back to my room, again my left anklet was missing. I retraced my path, but it was a bit dark by then. I told the receptionist, security, the helpers sitting on the grass, the cooks in MDC dinning hall. But don't know whether i would get to see it again.
The first time, i wore something for my legs was in 7th standard for bharatnatyam. I got to get my first anklet only after my left ankle was scarred for life with orthochondrosis. Those were the days, when even my chudi pant rubbing on my ankle, used to be so much to bear. But i loved anklets and wore them. Once, after a fight with mom, i removed these trinklets and vowed to become a nun. And the last time, i removed them was before the last surgery.
After that, it was on his suggestion, that i got back to wearing anklets from April and now to see only my right leg having the anklet, somehow makes me feel lacking something. Okie but what is the big deal. Why bother? What is the worst thing that can ever happen?
The thing, i wanted to write abt was my silver anklet. Yes, nothing is mine in the long run. I realized that this anklet could come out without unhooking, once when i removed my socks last month. I didn't realize it was that loose. The first time, it slipped out was while i was searching for PG in blore early this year. I thought, i had a slimy, slippery insect inside my shoes, only to find that my left anklet had come slipped into my shoes. This evening, after waiting till 5:30, i decided to push off and found that on coming back to my room, again my left anklet was missing. I retraced my path, but it was a bit dark by then. I told the receptionist, security, the helpers sitting on the grass, the cooks in MDC dinning hall. But don't know whether i would get to see it again.
The first time, i wore something for my legs was in 7th standard for bharatnatyam. I got to get my first anklet only after my left ankle was scarred for life with orthochondrosis. Those were the days, when even my chudi pant rubbing on my ankle, used to be so much to bear. But i loved anklets and wore them. Once, after a fight with mom, i removed these trinklets and vowed to become a nun. And the last time, i removed them was before the last surgery.
After that, it was on his suggestion, that i got back to wearing anklets from April and now to see only my right leg having the anklet, somehow makes me feel lacking something. Okie but what is the big deal. Why bother? What is the worst thing that can ever happen?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
So much hoopla over Summers
We had Thakur's fundae being circulated, which boosted one up. We had all the best of luck slips of paper slid under our door. We had seniors mailing us and giving us speeches, we are there for you, this is not the end of the world. And i was wondering, oh my god, why so much? Probably it is for those sincere folks like S and K.
S dragged me for a walk, in my formals and kept on saying, how much she felt bad on not getting even a single shortlist. She said, she regretted leaving IIT, BITS and NIT for Pune University due to various reasons. She kept on saying the same thing over and over again. I felt, i should put in use all my listening skills and help her out. I was praying that she get calmer and god give her some sense of peace. She was saying, how deserving candidates like her were being discouraged, since the geela companies like H were recruiting fresher gals who had come in NorthEast quota. She went on and on. I got her back to the room after some time and got on to reciting Lalitha. Probably, even ambika was not ready for my droning. My sis interrupted me with her phone call and later K barged in. I never lock my door. Since i am too lazy to get up and open the door every time someone knocks. It is always open, even when i go out, since i am too careless to take care of my keys. And even after i have lost so many things, i feel, if it was mine, it would be there. If some took it, they needed it more than i did, but if i missed what they had taken, then, it is going to be of no use to them as well.
So K came in and took the laptop and started searching something and i could see her throat working up. I could see the tear drops swelling in her eyes. I could hear the tremble. She kept on saying how unlucky she was. Man, she said, she does not want any of these jobs. She will think, that 9 lakhs have gone down the drain. She said, she was afraid to get married, since she thought she was unlucky. God, you should look at their resumes. It was god like and these 2 were crying. K on not converting her 2 shortlists. I tried to console her in the way i could. But it didn't help i guess. She still felt bad, though a little bit better. She said, she was not even able to cry. After 30 mins or so, she said, she will go to G and Sr my seniors and later she came back stating that she was very happy now and they were angels. I agree, they are.
In fact, i had scheduled a mock interview with G, but felt lazy. Sh had said, i would be lazy like this since Saturn had conjoined Sun in my case till 2010 third month. But think, i am always taking astro for excuse. I have so far, successfully struck to my resolution of not seeing astrogyan or astro sites or seeing hora or seeing thithis and my sadhana and kshema star days for doing tasks. So far think, it is almost a month now, i have stood by my resolution. But Sh came and told me about my kundli. He told me, the reason, why i should not see this astro stuff. He said, tantriks have a horrible life and astrologers who say pariharams will get part of the bad karma effects. I agreed. My only thing is to stop reading my own hands.
So back to track. G herself came to my room just now and she did my mock. (Left to myself, i would have watched the last part of King Arthur). God, how helpful the seniors out here are. God bless them all. God bless this whole world, let peace and good will descend on this earth.
S dragged me for a walk, in my formals and kept on saying, how much she felt bad on not getting even a single shortlist. She said, she regretted leaving IIT, BITS and NIT for Pune University due to various reasons. She kept on saying the same thing over and over again. I felt, i should put in use all my listening skills and help her out. I was praying that she get calmer and god give her some sense of peace. She was saying, how deserving candidates like her were being discouraged, since the geela companies like H were recruiting fresher gals who had come in NorthEast quota. She went on and on. I got her back to the room after some time and got on to reciting Lalitha. Probably, even ambika was not ready for my droning. My sis interrupted me with her phone call and later K barged in. I never lock my door. Since i am too lazy to get up and open the door every time someone knocks. It is always open, even when i go out, since i am too careless to take care of my keys. And even after i have lost so many things, i feel, if it was mine, it would be there. If some took it, they needed it more than i did, but if i missed what they had taken, then, it is going to be of no use to them as well.
So K came in and took the laptop and started searching something and i could see her throat working up. I could see the tear drops swelling in her eyes. I could hear the tremble. She kept on saying how unlucky she was. Man, she said, she does not want any of these jobs. She will think, that 9 lakhs have gone down the drain. She said, she was afraid to get married, since she thought she was unlucky. God, you should look at their resumes. It was god like and these 2 were crying. K on not converting her 2 shortlists. I tried to console her in the way i could. But it didn't help i guess. She still felt bad, though a little bit better. She said, she was not even able to cry. After 30 mins or so, she said, she will go to G and Sr my seniors and later she came back stating that she was very happy now and they were angels. I agree, they are.
In fact, i had scheduled a mock interview with G, but felt lazy. Sh had said, i would be lazy like this since Saturn had conjoined Sun in my case till 2010 third month. But think, i am always taking astro for excuse. I have so far, successfully struck to my resolution of not seeing astrogyan or astro sites or seeing hora or seeing thithis and my sadhana and kshema star days for doing tasks. So far think, it is almost a month now, i have stood by my resolution. But Sh came and told me about my kundli. He told me, the reason, why i should not see this astro stuff. He said, tantriks have a horrible life and astrologers who say pariharams will get part of the bad karma effects. I agreed. My only thing is to stop reading my own hands.
So back to track. G herself came to my room just now and she did my mock. (Left to myself, i would have watched the last part of King Arthur). God, how helpful the seniors out here are. God bless them all. God bless this whole world, let peace and good will descend on this earth.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Who invented these ghost stories?
Who invented this puliamarathu payee story? I don't know. Yes'day, was a day of ups and downs. I was speaking to sugi over phone and casually went to the swings in the professor's kids' playground. That is my favourite place and i swing there for hours at times. All alone in the night. I never used to bother about my surroundings or timings. I was one person, used to doing what i felt like doing at that time. But yes'day for the first time, i described the surroundings as it was to sugi. You know how it will be after 11 pm in the night. With crickets and what not screeching and a lone tube light once in a few metres and the whole area was deserted with no aaal nadamattam...
i was oblivious to all this. I had walked through a patch of green thing to reach the playground enclosure. I opened the gate. And the gate opened with a screech. Imagine the sound that you get in those payee movies. That kind of creaky metallic dirge. I walked pass the wet grass and sat on the metal cold swing seat and continued speaking to sugi. Only then i started describing my surroundings to Sugi. I had a banyan tree with ghostly leaves shining palely in the dim tubelight on my right at a distance and this pulia maram right next to me on my left. I remember lakshmi, the servant kid telling me if i wanted tamarind fruit from the tree in the broad day light. But now around 11 pm, that tree seemed to be haunted with all the boothas and prethas in my feverish imagination. Couple of dogs were howling pitieously at a distance. I was swinging at a comfortable pace with one hand over mobile and another at the swing chain. And the swing was also producing this creeky sound, this sound got even more amplified in my present state of mind. The half moon was peeping behind the banyan tree and suddenly after i had finished describing the scenario to sugi, all i wanted to do was just escape to the main road. I felt there was something just behind my shoulders. I felt, there were creepers ready to entangle me as i walked past that green patch. i felt the puliamaram and alla maram branches were ready to scoop me up and throw me into oblivion. I told Sugi, continue talking to me, i will come out. And thats what i did whilst, i heard my heart beat aloud inside me. God, it is all within me. Yes. I had played in these very same swings, unmindful of the timings, but yes'day was an altogether different revelation.
i was oblivious to all this. I had walked through a patch of green thing to reach the playground enclosure. I opened the gate. And the gate opened with a screech. Imagine the sound that you get in those payee movies. That kind of creaky metallic dirge. I walked pass the wet grass and sat on the metal cold swing seat and continued speaking to sugi. Only then i started describing my surroundings to Sugi. I had a banyan tree with ghostly leaves shining palely in the dim tubelight on my right at a distance and this pulia maram right next to me on my left. I remember lakshmi, the servant kid telling me if i wanted tamarind fruit from the tree in the broad day light. But now around 11 pm, that tree seemed to be haunted with all the boothas and prethas in my feverish imagination. Couple of dogs were howling pitieously at a distance. I was swinging at a comfortable pace with one hand over mobile and another at the swing chain. And the swing was also producing this creeky sound, this sound got even more amplified in my present state of mind. The half moon was peeping behind the banyan tree and suddenly after i had finished describing the scenario to sugi, all i wanted to do was just escape to the main road. I felt there was something just behind my shoulders. I felt, there were creepers ready to entangle me as i walked past that green patch. i felt the puliamaram and alla maram branches were ready to scoop me up and throw me into oblivion. I told Sugi, continue talking to me, i will come out. And thats what i did whilst, i heard my heart beat aloud inside me. God, it is all within me. Yes. I had played in these very same swings, unmindful of the timings, but yes'day was an altogether different revelation.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Diwali
Well, it has been a terrific Diwali. The whole campus looks so enchantingly beautiful. I wish the nights lasted for ever, so that I could feast upon this charmingly lit place a little longer. It is so wonderful here, so awesome, so delightful.
Crazy people, they celebrate Diwali one day later here and no holiday. I wore a sari for ethnic day for classes and made another of those stupid group presentations on motivation. The ppts kept me awake till 4 am and dad woke me up at 7:30 am. After ppt, just when I thought, I could catch a short afternoon nap; I realized my bag with laptop was swapped. There was so much to do, since I had wasted 2 days locked in my room which had got dad on to the campus. We went to Meenakshi Sundareswarar Temple which was 15 mins from campus. Till around 2 am, I was going through what I had missed on Thursday and Friday last week. Again dad woke me up at 6:30 am and made me eat breakfast, lunch and afternoon snacks, which I devoured without any appetite, when all I wanted was few hours of undisturbed sleep. When dad, suggested, we go to Dharmasthala, I said, no, I have so much to catch up to and after much deliberation, he decided to go back home. The whole day I was on my feet, going up and down for printouts and books and discussions. By 7:30 after having spent one and half hours on just one regression question, my partner announced that all gals are wearing saris for Diwali special dinner and we could wear saris as well… So again, after helping her with hers, I hurriedly tied mine, all this while I had left dad to watch kanda naal mudhal in my room. We went for the so called networking dinner and again, I was all standing and then snaps and then firecrackers and now my legs are throbbing, every joint is hurting like hell, but I feel so good…so fresh…in spite of all this pain….thanks to Diwali celebrations…
This reminds me of this year’s Cithara pournami. It was the first time; I went for girivalam after my hip replacement that resulted in another stupid length correction (alleged as cosmetic surgery by insurance). I don’t know what was it, whether it was Swami and mom whom I had requested to join me, and whom I conveniently lost in the maddening crowd, or was it because of my ex who is now married, who held my hands as I walked those 18+ kms or was it because for the first time, I tried to meditate in Ramana Maharishi ashram before starting. Frankly and am amazed to this day, unlike other girivalams, I felt no pain, didn’t feel sleepy, I felt I was floating, I could have walked all over the earth that day. So all this not physical, it is something beyond this physical body, beyond these bones held together with screws and plates. If I could mentally detach myself from my body, nothing like it. God, wish I could feel and do that mental separation again… I just need to focus and do the right things at the right time…how easily said… well… whatever…
Crazy people, they celebrate Diwali one day later here and no holiday. I wore a sari for ethnic day for classes and made another of those stupid group presentations on motivation. The ppts kept me awake till 4 am and dad woke me up at 7:30 am. After ppt, just when I thought, I could catch a short afternoon nap; I realized my bag with laptop was swapped. There was so much to do, since I had wasted 2 days locked in my room which had got dad on to the campus. We went to Meenakshi Sundareswarar Temple which was 15 mins from campus. Till around 2 am, I was going through what I had missed on Thursday and Friday last week. Again dad woke me up at 6:30 am and made me eat breakfast, lunch and afternoon snacks, which I devoured without any appetite, when all I wanted was few hours of undisturbed sleep. When dad, suggested, we go to Dharmasthala, I said, no, I have so much to catch up to and after much deliberation, he decided to go back home. The whole day I was on my feet, going up and down for printouts and books and discussions. By 7:30 after having spent one and half hours on just one regression question, my partner announced that all gals are wearing saris for Diwali special dinner and we could wear saris as well… So again, after helping her with hers, I hurriedly tied mine, all this while I had left dad to watch kanda naal mudhal in my room. We went for the so called networking dinner and again, I was all standing and then snaps and then firecrackers and now my legs are throbbing, every joint is hurting like hell, but I feel so good…so fresh…in spite of all this pain….thanks to Diwali celebrations…
This reminds me of this year’s Cithara pournami. It was the first time; I went for girivalam after my hip replacement that resulted in another stupid length correction (alleged as cosmetic surgery by insurance). I don’t know what was it, whether it was Swami and mom whom I had requested to join me, and whom I conveniently lost in the maddening crowd, or was it because of my ex who is now married, who held my hands as I walked those 18+ kms or was it because for the first time, I tried to meditate in Ramana Maharishi ashram before starting. Frankly and am amazed to this day, unlike other girivalams, I felt no pain, didn’t feel sleepy, I felt I was floating, I could have walked all over the earth that day. So all this not physical, it is something beyond this physical body, beyond these bones held together with screws and plates. If I could mentally detach myself from my body, nothing like it. God, wish I could feel and do that mental separation again… I just need to focus and do the right things at the right time…how easily said… well… whatever…
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Numbers All Over
Just like this kid sneaking through, all i have is just a sneak preview. Nothing full, all half baked.We had this ManCom class, which i find so hard to concentrate. He mentioned about C~ly F~rina and i got into this numerology mode. I was not surprised to find the total coming to a saturnine 35. What justice in taking one to the peak and throwing down disgracefully? I was doing the number totals for all my batch mates and found most of them had a venusian total. Many of the stars in the class had totals that matched their dobs.
I first got this book by pundit G in Subramaniapuram from my acquarian friend. But it just disappeared. I had given it to someone and i never got it back. The next time, i had personally got a copy from G and that too, i managed to lose. Most of my palmistry books and astro books are gifts by pisceans and acquarians. Now everything is gone since i had been living out of suitcases for the past 2 years. I learnt C coz of this wonderful book. I wrote my first program in 1999, in C++ for giving predictions based on dob and name. I could not translate for all the numbers, i translated around 75% of the book. Its been years since the HDD crashed and the code is also gone. Almost everyone who read this found it matched their profile. It was so fitting. The way people paired made sense based on the number vibes. The way people loved also synched mostly.
Suddenly am missing this book so much. But whats the point. I had asked my mom, bro and sis to get my books for me from Chennai (could be in foreshore estate or chithi's place), but guess, when it comes to such things, only apna kaam swayam karo would work. I don't understand, why my folks want to keep me away from these books. Hope i get to go to chennai sometime.
Suddenly its dad on my mind
"Read not to contradict and confute, not to believe and take for granted, not to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider."
Sir Francis Bacon
This is one of my favourite quotes in a Literature book that dad had bought. Dad used to buy lots of books for us. Very costly at times and when we had holidays, we were forced to translate them to hindi or write a page a day and show him when he came back from office. At times, we had to do a precis writing. We three used to hate it then. He didn't read in english medium and he made sure, we didn't have to face the problems he faced. He was a superb salesman. He made me feel that his ideas were mine. He didn't even know how to fill in an application form and ended up doing Economics instead of Engineering. And made me do engineering when i might have chosen fine arts left to myself. He used to make me tell the hindi lesson stories to him, while he hurried to office. He showed so much enthusiasm in everything we did. Be it my bharatnatyam steps or my paintings. He was always there to encourage us.
He taught me typing with typewriter. He got me keyboard for learning music. He got the old CBSE question papers typed out in 10th and 12th and forced me to write exams every sunday. I used to hate it then. But now i really cherish everything he did for us.
He taught me cooking. He taught me the steps to make the perfect sambar. I would get bored of sambar but he made me do it for weeks, till i got it right. He used to like it spic n span. I am given into my moods. When i would hear the bike sound. I would hurriedly sweep the house and make it clean for him. Still dad would again pick up the broom and show me the dirt under the cupboard. Even if it was washing a plate, he would make sure it was shining.
He would make a timetable of what to prepare when and made sure we had healthy food. Even if it was simple ironing clothes, he would make me do it patiently and perfectly. At times, i feel, the 1 surya pithru karka n the 2 mathru karka characteristics are very much true and he was two in one, a cancerian with a sun number 1. Dad was the most caring person.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Home kind of sweet home
well... this time, it the was the only 5 days i was going to get after so many months. And i was not sure, when i would get another break like this. My initial plan for these 5 days was to go to Kanakapura ashram. But mom had called up once to tell how lonely she was and i had booked the tickets right then cancelling all other plans.
The train was at 7:05 and R and I boarded the auto around 5:30 p.m. We shared stories and he got me into this Mookambigai trip now. Am jes craving for this trip now. Thats what my astro mentor S also recommended. Mom said, we have been there twice and once my sis was apparently swept 1 km downstream in the river around this temple. But i don't remember anything about this temple.
I was reading "Surely you are joking Mr Feynman" in the train and R's tap on my right knee woke me up around 3:50 am where we parted ways. I got down to the LB and slept there till I reached junction. I called up mom and asked her, when the next bus would come. I would have waited for some 30 mins, when a guy came and asked me if i was my sister. Since he said my name i said yes and slowly recognized that it was KP's father. He had retired and settled in kerala and KP had got another son Razin, the first one was Mauzin. He said he had a granddaughter through his son, but had never seen her. KP was always a fabulous gal. Aug 28 and she was the one who had me always laughing, whenever she came home. She was gr8 fun to be around with. Now her hus works in Gulf and i don't know how she manages.
He dropped me at home and i was shocked to find the door locked. I tried mom's number and found that it was ringing inside. I had no other option but to go to the busstand and bring mom back home. House was a mess. I was too tired to clean it up. She left to office and i continued to sleep the whole day. In the night, she got summons from Chennai. Chithi had stopped eating for a week and chithups was summoning mom to chennai. Mom asked, if i could join her. I wanted rest and sent her away. Mom left on tuesday night. 4 nights i was all alone. I slept with the lights on. I kept awake the whole night and slept when i was exhausted in the morning. I was rooted to the bed. I lay there reading books and listening to songs and watching stupid movies that mom had got from down floor neighbours. Airtel signal was weak in oft. I was too lazy to get up and answer phones in the hall. I just lay wedded to bed for 4 days till mom came along with chithi on saturday. I had to leave for blore on sat night. All those days, around 4 pm i would feel hungry and i would hv my first meal then. Luckily on friday, i got sick of this and cleaned the whole house, removed the cobwebs and later i found it was pradosham. But i had had my food and i had forgot to fast. I took a long bath and i tied a green sari and suddenly i realized that my left earring was no longer there. However, with in few seconds, i found both the earring and the thiruhani. Even now this piece is always lose. It was peaceful to be there. The temple had changed so much. All tiles around. As I did a pradakshina around shakthi, tears started pouring again, for no reason at all. Wish... wish... well... everything is destined.
Sat morning, mom left again to office and i was left craving for care. Chithi and i went for shopping grocery. I had survived on wheat dosa and kadamba rice all these days. I offered chithi milk and bread. She took 30 mins to gobble 2 slices of bread. Man i lost my patience. Then i made her mosambi juice out of 3 mosambis which i had squeeze with my hands. I was steadily losing my patience. Only then, i remembered, i need to serve her with love so that she gets cured soon. God these @#@$# doctors. Misdiagnosed malaria to TB and ended up injecting her for what not, that she could not lie on her back. Luckily after a while, i got into the cooking mood. I made manathakalli keerai kootu and kothavaranga usili, murungakka sambar, rasam, sauted mango pickles, moong dal payasam (which is my mom's favorite) and the curd had set like solid cakes. I washed all the serving dishes till it shone and i had arranged an appetising lunch and waited by the window for mom to come home. She came after 40 mins or so and we all sat down to eat on the fresh and tender vazha ezhai. Nothing like eating on those green leaves. Chithi was still in her sambar course, when i was at my curd.
We three collapsed in the hall watching TV. We ended up watching Julie, Ejamaan and one more movie swapping over breaks. Julie dominated though. Suddenly swami came out of no where. I was so surprised. I was supposed to have met dad, met aunty and swami but had ended up spending all time on bed and here he was. I was glad that payasam was there. I made him horlicks, offered payasam, potato chips and good day biscuits. I knew it was a bad combination to offer salty items with milk, but decided, he is supreme, he should be able to digest it. I was glad he was here. He kept on talking saying how i was instrumental in getting him to thiruvanamalai that too for chithra pournami. He asked me to ask him something. I wished, mom and chithi and his wife were not there. I just wanted to pour out to him. But i could not, and ended up with just tears. At last he said, i know and i will take care. I was glad he had come. I was craving for my guru to come and he had come and i realized he is my Sri Sri or Baba Ramdev or Ramana Maharishi. He left around 5:30 pm and my bus was at 6:30 pm. A lonely trip. i felt bad, that i had not spoken to dad even once. I reached majestic and got a one day pass. I reached campus around 7 am. Around 4 pm i decided that i will go to Nimishamba satsang. But ended up boarding a shivaji nagar bus. i ended up window shopping and buying 2 butterfly clips that i had wanted for months. I would have waited for eternity, till i decided to swap buses. I took some bus to jayanagar and from there another bus to campus. I was sad, that i could not have darshan. This was the 2nd time, such a thing had happened. The previous sunday after end terms, i started out and i found the iyappa temple was would open only around 5:30 pm and i could not find a place to sit and wait outside. I ended up walking all outside the campus and reached room exhausted again without darshan.
However, this time, on the last day of navarathri. It was all instantaneous. I had no plans of boarding the bus. However a bus stopped just next to me and i asked the driver and he driver dropped me at Meenakshi temple. It was peaceful inside and i got a decent darshan. Somehow, i feel now, especially after the DD incident, if its time, it will happen. Else it is no use, how much ever u fight against and swim upstream. For that JMET thing, i remember forgetting the DD at home, spending 400+ on auto, coming late to office, filling up app in a hurry. Everything was delayed. Call it hindsight bias. Every thing is interlinked, even if it means someone's murder. It was bound to happen. It will happen, when the time comes. God will make sure, you are the right place at the right time.
The train was at 7:05 and R and I boarded the auto around 5:30 p.m. We shared stories and he got me into this Mookambigai trip now. Am jes craving for this trip now. Thats what my astro mentor S also recommended. Mom said, we have been there twice and once my sis was apparently swept 1 km downstream in the river around this temple. But i don't remember anything about this temple.
I was reading "Surely you are joking Mr Feynman" in the train and R's tap on my right knee woke me up around 3:50 am where we parted ways. I got down to the LB and slept there till I reached junction. I called up mom and asked her, when the next bus would come. I would have waited for some 30 mins, when a guy came and asked me if i was my sister. Since he said my name i said yes and slowly recognized that it was KP's father. He had retired and settled in kerala and KP had got another son Razin, the first one was Mauzin. He said he had a granddaughter through his son, but had never seen her. KP was always a fabulous gal. Aug 28 and she was the one who had me always laughing, whenever she came home. She was gr8 fun to be around with. Now her hus works in Gulf and i don't know how she manages.
He dropped me at home and i was shocked to find the door locked. I tried mom's number and found that it was ringing inside. I had no other option but to go to the busstand and bring mom back home. House was a mess. I was too tired to clean it up. She left to office and i continued to sleep the whole day. In the night, she got summons from Chennai. Chithi had stopped eating for a week and chithups was summoning mom to chennai. Mom asked, if i could join her. I wanted rest and sent her away. Mom left on tuesday night. 4 nights i was all alone. I slept with the lights on. I kept awake the whole night and slept when i was exhausted in the morning. I was rooted to the bed. I lay there reading books and listening to songs and watching stupid movies that mom had got from down floor neighbours. Airtel signal was weak in oft. I was too lazy to get up and answer phones in the hall. I just lay wedded to bed for 4 days till mom came along with chithi on saturday. I had to leave for blore on sat night. All those days, around 4 pm i would feel hungry and i would hv my first meal then. Luckily on friday, i got sick of this and cleaned the whole house, removed the cobwebs and later i found it was pradosham. But i had had my food and i had forgot to fast. I took a long bath and i tied a green sari and suddenly i realized that my left earring was no longer there. However, with in few seconds, i found both the earring and the thiruhani. Even now this piece is always lose. It was peaceful to be there. The temple had changed so much. All tiles around. As I did a pradakshina around shakthi, tears started pouring again, for no reason at all. Wish... wish... well... everything is destined.
Sat morning, mom left again to office and i was left craving for care. Chithi and i went for shopping grocery. I had survived on wheat dosa and kadamba rice all these days. I offered chithi milk and bread. She took 30 mins to gobble 2 slices of bread. Man i lost my patience. Then i made her mosambi juice out of 3 mosambis which i had squeeze with my hands. I was steadily losing my patience. Only then, i remembered, i need to serve her with love so that she gets cured soon. God these @#@$# doctors. Misdiagnosed malaria to TB and ended up injecting her for what not, that she could not lie on her back. Luckily after a while, i got into the cooking mood. I made manathakalli keerai kootu and kothavaranga usili, murungakka sambar, rasam, sauted mango pickles, moong dal payasam (which is my mom's favorite) and the curd had set like solid cakes. I washed all the serving dishes till it shone and i had arranged an appetising lunch and waited by the window for mom to come home. She came after 40 mins or so and we all sat down to eat on the fresh and tender vazha ezhai. Nothing like eating on those green leaves. Chithi was still in her sambar course, when i was at my curd.
We three collapsed in the hall watching TV. We ended up watching Julie, Ejamaan and one more movie swapping over breaks. Julie dominated though. Suddenly swami came out of no where. I was so surprised. I was supposed to have met dad, met aunty and swami but had ended up spending all time on bed and here he was. I was glad that payasam was there. I made him horlicks, offered payasam, potato chips and good day biscuits. I knew it was a bad combination to offer salty items with milk, but decided, he is supreme, he should be able to digest it. I was glad he was here. He kept on talking saying how i was instrumental in getting him to thiruvanamalai that too for chithra pournami. He asked me to ask him something. I wished, mom and chithi and his wife were not there. I just wanted to pour out to him. But i could not, and ended up with just tears. At last he said, i know and i will take care. I was glad he had come. I was craving for my guru to come and he had come and i realized he is my Sri Sri or Baba Ramdev or Ramana Maharishi. He left around 5:30 pm and my bus was at 6:30 pm. A lonely trip. i felt bad, that i had not spoken to dad even once. I reached majestic and got a one day pass. I reached campus around 7 am. Around 4 pm i decided that i will go to Nimishamba satsang. But ended up boarding a shivaji nagar bus. i ended up window shopping and buying 2 butterfly clips that i had wanted for months. I would have waited for eternity, till i decided to swap buses. I took some bus to jayanagar and from there another bus to campus. I was sad, that i could not have darshan. This was the 2nd time, such a thing had happened. The previous sunday after end terms, i started out and i found the iyappa temple was would open only around 5:30 pm and i could not find a place to sit and wait outside. I ended up walking all outside the campus and reached room exhausted again without darshan.
However, this time, on the last day of navarathri. It was all instantaneous. I had no plans of boarding the bus. However a bus stopped just next to me and i asked the driver and he driver dropped me at Meenakshi temple. It was peaceful inside and i got a decent darshan. Somehow, i feel now, especially after the DD incident, if its time, it will happen. Else it is no use, how much ever u fight against and swim upstream. For that JMET thing, i remember forgetting the DD at home, spending 400+ on auto, coming late to office, filling up app in a hurry. Everything was delayed. Call it hindsight bias. Every thing is interlinked, even if it means someone's murder. It was bound to happen. It will happen, when the time comes. God will make sure, you are the right place at the right time.
The legends of Khazak
I think, I read about TLOK by OVV in India Today or some other obscure magazine some time in college first year around 1999-2000. My hunt for this book started then. No library had this book. I went to bharathidasan univ library, the library next to the bata showroom, REC library, asked mom to try in OFT library and BHEL training centre library. I even tried Higginbotham’s next to teppakulam and devaki second hand book stall (which gobbled up my Rs 100 deposit when I didn’t take a book after I returned one) in the china kadai veedhi which is around the vicinity of those precious stone jewelers. They had not even heard about this book. At last, yes’ day I was forced to go to our library to pick up “TG” by Cox and Goldratt. As usual, I ended up going to the fiction side and was pleasantly surprised to see this book right up in the front (after almost a decade).
I put aside “The Goal” and settled on the bed with TLOK. I have always loved Kerala, WB and Kashmir. Those were my dream places and I used to fantasize that the gals out there were nubile fairies. Somehow both Kerala and WB are now infested with you know what and Kashmir with the obvious. It was “TCO Joy” that brought the stark reality of WB as against the rosy and divine picture I had painted in my mind of it being Swami Vivekanda-Sivananda’s religious abode. I always believed that these were the places where practitioners of kundalini yoga lived and could do anything and everything with their mind power.
Gakrith dragged me to the parlour after classes and I started reading this around 5 pm. I kind of slept of with this book in between, thanks to going outside and was just reading this book sprawled on the bed whenever I woke up. It was different from all that I had read all these days. I am fascinated with ghosts and haunted places as with other spiritual beings. I was wondering, how lucky, I was to have the job I had had. In city there are so many ways of earning one’s livelihood. But in the villages, what hardships people have to put up with to earn their daily bread. It was a Piscean who made me wonder about this. She asked me, if you didn’t have any salaried job, if you had no education, how will you earn your living? For every answer I gave, she added another constraint and asked, how I will still pay for the food I eat. At times, I was wondering, which world is he in? Where will women do the things that he has described? At times, I was struck with this magical surrealism in the way he had weaved the story. About lice having rebirth. God! Lice of all creatures? IIMK teaches students to walk on fire. My first preference was K, but I ended up in B.
I was glad with the way; he had described how Muslims and Hindus lived together peacefully at least to an extent. My zodiac says, I will have thulukiyar friends. In fact my childhood pal is Nazreen with whom, I had climbed up the water tank in 5th standard and was punished so much for that by school teachers and condemned by the principals of 3 schools. My down floor neighbor was again a kind bhai uncle and ever since I remember, we used to buy tomatoes from thakkali bhai, though he sold other veggies as well. I was amused with the rules that K laid and but fine, I though, different people have different perceptions. I was surprised to see my previous roomie who was a dentist spew such venom about Muslims in general, coz she had seen one affluent Muslim class mate of hers sleeping with poor medical students from north east who didn’t have money for their educational expenses.
Back to the book, I was surprised to see such intimacy between teachers and students. The last time, I remember feeling at home with teacher was Sukumaran sir in my 5th standard. He used to correct papers while we sat around him and played. He used to call me OFT or BHEL as we played Kho Kho. He used to be considerate with Nazreen since she had lost her father. Teachers after that were distant in some way or the other. Probably coz after that you were no longer an innocent kid. You got trapped in the scheming ways of the world. The teacher gazing in amazement on the miracle, the first blood flowers of womanhood! Hmmm… well… the novel was like a slow and languorous movie.
I should have finished the novel before 12 am at least. I don’t know when I started sleeping. I woke up around 1:30 am and then started preparing for the next day’s classes till around 3:30 till the current went off. In the morning, I woke up just at 8:30 am. Classes start at 8:30 with faint memories of this strange dream. I was a Muslim woman or probably I was not. I saw those grey minarets in twilight in my dream. I was going through those tunnels in my own house to reach one room to another. I don’t know why, but I think, I saw someone pregnant in my dream. Someone was chasing me, probably police and I was hopping from minaret to minaret till I jumped far below to a 2 storied building that had a small swimming pool inside. I could remember everything faintly, but nothing comes out now. I need to get started with this stupidity, sleep and attend ppts and work out problems and work on resume. God and after all this?
I put aside “The Goal” and settled on the bed with TLOK. I have always loved Kerala, WB and Kashmir. Those were my dream places and I used to fantasize that the gals out there were nubile fairies. Somehow both Kerala and WB are now infested with you know what and Kashmir with the obvious. It was “TCO Joy” that brought the stark reality of WB as against the rosy and divine picture I had painted in my mind of it being Swami Vivekanda-Sivananda’s religious abode. I always believed that these were the places where practitioners of kundalini yoga lived and could do anything and everything with their mind power.
Gakrith dragged me to the parlour after classes and I started reading this around 5 pm. I kind of slept of with this book in between, thanks to going outside and was just reading this book sprawled on the bed whenever I woke up. It was different from all that I had read all these days. I am fascinated with ghosts and haunted places as with other spiritual beings. I was wondering, how lucky, I was to have the job I had had. In city there are so many ways of earning one’s livelihood. But in the villages, what hardships people have to put up with to earn their daily bread. It was a Piscean who made me wonder about this. She asked me, if you didn’t have any salaried job, if you had no education, how will you earn your living? For every answer I gave, she added another constraint and asked, how I will still pay for the food I eat. At times, I was wondering, which world is he in? Where will women do the things that he has described? At times, I was struck with this magical surrealism in the way he had weaved the story. About lice having rebirth. God! Lice of all creatures? IIMK teaches students to walk on fire. My first preference was K, but I ended up in B.
I was glad with the way; he had described how Muslims and Hindus lived together peacefully at least to an extent. My zodiac says, I will have thulukiyar friends. In fact my childhood pal is Nazreen with whom, I had climbed up the water tank in 5th standard and was punished so much for that by school teachers and condemned by the principals of 3 schools. My down floor neighbor was again a kind bhai uncle and ever since I remember, we used to buy tomatoes from thakkali bhai, though he sold other veggies as well. I was amused with the rules that K laid and but fine, I though, different people have different perceptions. I was surprised to see my previous roomie who was a dentist spew such venom about Muslims in general, coz she had seen one affluent Muslim class mate of hers sleeping with poor medical students from north east who didn’t have money for their educational expenses.
Back to the book, I was surprised to see such intimacy between teachers and students. The last time, I remember feeling at home with teacher was Sukumaran sir in my 5th standard. He used to correct papers while we sat around him and played. He used to call me OFT or BHEL as we played Kho Kho. He used to be considerate with Nazreen since she had lost her father. Teachers after that were distant in some way or the other. Probably coz after that you were no longer an innocent kid. You got trapped in the scheming ways of the world. The teacher gazing in amazement on the miracle, the first blood flowers of womanhood! Hmmm… well… the novel was like a slow and languorous movie.
I should have finished the novel before 12 am at least. I don’t know when I started sleeping. I woke up around 1:30 am and then started preparing for the next day’s classes till around 3:30 till the current went off. In the morning, I woke up just at 8:30 am. Classes start at 8:30 with faint memories of this strange dream. I was a Muslim woman or probably I was not. I saw those grey minarets in twilight in my dream. I was going through those tunnels in my own house to reach one room to another. I don’t know why, but I think, I saw someone pregnant in my dream. Someone was chasing me, probably police and I was hopping from minaret to minaret till I jumped far below to a 2 storied building that had a small swimming pool inside. I could remember everything faintly, but nothing comes out now. I need to get started with this stupidity, sleep and attend ppts and work out problems and work on resume. God and after all this?
Saturday, September 6, 2008
End Terms
September 18 is the d-day, in fact, sep 9, 11, 15 and then 18-21 exams and in between this FSA thing also and here I am watching movies till kingdom come. This kingdom come is aped from my favorite prof SV sir. Now this also brings something else to my mind which i took almost 2 years to complete, but am afraid, some fanatic might do extreme crap things if mentioned the real thing.
Okie, what i wanted to mention was the similarity of John-Bips-Ayesha..."No Smoking" and "Butterfly effect". I happened to see them around the same time. And now "Shaurya" and "A few good men". And of course all those tunes and that is forever aped from everywhere. Is not the whole thing aped from nature. Is there something unique that man ever tried to create on his own, without getting inspiration from nature? It was the leo RK(or was it the cancarian AK?) who first mentioned about this movie to me. Both guys were much younger and years older in their infinite wisdome. And when i saw it years later, i had to ponder at times and wonder, whatz going on. Both NS and BE force you to see it with a director's eyes if one does not like gory stuff like me. Any day i would prefer rosy, romantic, beautiful comedies without bloodshed and violence. Of course, world is not like that, but at least let us perceive it that way and hope it all becomes a reality in the long run - peaceful and refreshing without violence and bloodshed and divine humanity.
Just day b4 yes'day i saw Shaurya n now "AFGM" the first 37 minutes and 42 seconds and am already correlating. Now this takes me to covariance and correlation... god, i need to some how at least get a B in QM. Okie got to go. Guess enough of wasting time, now back to business.
Okie, what i wanted to mention was the similarity of John-Bips-Ayesha..."No Smoking" and "Butterfly effect". I happened to see them around the same time. And now "Shaurya" and "A few good men". And of course all those tunes and that is forever aped from everywhere. Is not the whole thing aped from nature. Is there something unique that man ever tried to create on his own, without getting inspiration from nature? It was the leo RK(or was it the cancarian AK?) who first mentioned about this movie to me. Both guys were much younger and years older in their infinite wisdome. And when i saw it years later, i had to ponder at times and wonder, whatz going on. Both NS and BE force you to see it with a director's eyes if one does not like gory stuff like me. Any day i would prefer rosy, romantic, beautiful comedies without bloodshed and violence. Of course, world is not like that, but at least let us perceive it that way and hope it all becomes a reality in the long run - peaceful and refreshing without violence and bloodshed and divine humanity.
Just day b4 yes'day i saw Shaurya n now "AFGM" the first 37 minutes and 42 seconds and am already correlating. Now this takes me to covariance and correlation... god, i need to some how at least get a B in QM. Okie got to go. Guess enough of wasting time, now back to business.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wonderful Wednesday
Tuesday Night
The B block party was supposed to start at 8 and i was in page 287 of Cold Steel. I hurriedly closed the book and rushed to the block to find, no one was there for the mandatory party. I went to my room and checked the mails and wasted time on net. Around 8:45, I saw the dress code and changed the costume. Put the dupatta around like the kalaskethra gals do - to dress up as maids. PB as usual was stunning. 4 pgp1s danced for hip hopper around M. It was a fun thing. I was mildly shocked by the way one pgp2 felt all over PB, which PB related to us later while we were waiting to ramp walk with adequate KnowWhat posted on her face. After dinner and after having posed a wheat mustache in Gentleman style, i came back to my room and got into dancing mood. Picked up "hips don't lie" in youtube and aped the non robotic moves till my hips hurt with all those twisting and turning. It was close to 12 and i switched off the mobile after keeping the alarm at 6:30.
Frightening fits
At 6:30, jes b4 the alarm went off, i woke up and jes as i was about fold the bed sheet, dad started calling. I vividly remembered my dream, i had to walk under a high tension transformer, which was going to burst any second. Then i had to climb down the stairs in front of a temple. what a dream. And there was this security check in front of TN secretariat, by a person called Mazumdar. crazy dream. Please i thought, let me brush and do first things first. When i came back, dad had called 9 times. I called him back, he told that thaatha had passed away. I felt no shock, no tears. Just that it was summon to run home. I took bath, composed a mail to pgp office and told my team mates that i am bunking classes. At 7:30, i missed my pranayam and asanas and rushed to the gate. I saw AA on the way with a glass of milk, so i grabbed a tumbler of milk as well and asked the short cut from mess uncles. At the gate, i asked the security as well. Got conflicting answers. So i took the auto outside the gate and alighted in Diary circle, near Christ college. Within few seconds, there was a bus to Hosur. I was sitting in the first row in the left. In the right, one row behind me, while i was watching some tam movie, there was commotion. When I turned, i saw a lady twitching with fits with froth in her mouth that slowly mixed with blood. The conductor was making her hold the steel bar and the first thing i said was jes Shiva Shiva continuously. The woman who was accompanying the lady ran else where and the conductor was asking someone to hold the lady. I then got up and went near the lady and held her. It was stinking. I was reluctant to use my stole to wipe her mouth. I was so afraid and shocked. The conductor said, use her pallu itself. So i took her pallu and kept wiping her mouth, while praying and willing electric violet light to pass on to her body and heal her. I was praying to all the masters and found that i could not concentrate. Slowly her convulsions subsided and i sat next to her holding her head and making her sleep on my lap. She was supposed to alight at Dillikottai and I had to alight in Hosur. I didn't want to miss thaatha as i had missed my ammayi. So i decided to pray and leave her at Hosur. She got ok, half way through, and used the water i offered, inspite of the conductor asking me not to give her water. I continued to pray, but it was not sincere. I got distracted now n then.
Rest of the journey
I alighted at Hosur. Hopped on to Salem bus. I was trying to pray for that lady out there, reading about "Skeletal and Muscular Disorders" and impatiently, i jes went to elilepsy part. I read and tried to practice word by word, but i got distracted by Yaradi Nee Mohini movie and palakaatu parkathile song. I thought, anyway, i have told guru sir, he would take care. Then to a Namakkal bus, then to a thuraiyur bus which deposited me at Mahadevi entrance around 4:30 p.m, a total of 9 hours without proper food and sitting on gearbox and anything available. My chithappa was there and shortly my cousin came to pick me up in his rattling 2 wheeler. The first sight that caught me was dad n sugi, thoroughly soaked, holding a kudam with garland around their necks. Anna dropped me near the house and I touched my thaatha's feet. He was placed on the main door for wooden plank. Even then, i didn't feel like crying. My appayi, held on to me and cried asking for my brother in Indore. I told her that i didn't tell him. Then after those rites n rituals, i managed to see my thaatha's palms. He had the main lines, but there were no fine lines, it was all plain and yellowish. So in a way, it is true - what he had written in Cheiro's book. Now after bathing him, they kept him again, in specific directions and i touched his feet one last time. It was now, that my cousins and aunts started crying and i could not help crying as well. I don't know why tears came down my cheeks.
Back to B
I caught up with all my cousins and aunts and relations, who had been waiting all this long, just to see me. Around 6:30, I had sambhar, rasam n buttermilk on banana leaf in some neighbour's house, coz my aunts wud not leave me otherwise. I waited till dad came back tonsured; told him that i have classes at 10:15 am. It was 8 when i started from there. I was glad Swami was there as well. When i told him, i am going to go alone as i had come, he asked, r u really going alone? He related an anecdote and i was no longer worrying about travelling in the late hours. Again back to Namakkal. Around 10:30, i boarded a direct bus to blore from Salem. From Hosur, i slept on the front seat behind the driver, till they woke me up at Diary circle. It was some college. The security the other side was throwing bits of cut paper on the road and 2 dogs barked out aloud. As i went near the auto stand, 3 autos started all at once as if they were going to run over me. I told him b and he asked for 150. I told him, i would give double and ended up paying 100 for a 48 fare trip. Around 3:30, i was near SBM, where bats or some creature screeched and i reached my room. The most difficult decision was to take bath in cold water at that time. I thought, if i slept like that, then i would have wash the bedsheet, which was washed only yes'day. I took the bucket and found to my pleasant surprise that hot water came. Then i brushed my teeth and switched off my mobile and kept the alarm at 9:30 am. Back to the mundane life out here.
The B block party was supposed to start at 8 and i was in page 287 of Cold Steel. I hurriedly closed the book and rushed to the block to find, no one was there for the mandatory party. I went to my room and checked the mails and wasted time on net. Around 8:45, I saw the dress code and changed the costume. Put the dupatta around like the kalaskethra gals do - to dress up as maids. PB as usual was stunning. 4 pgp1s danced for hip hopper around M. It was a fun thing. I was mildly shocked by the way one pgp2 felt all over PB, which PB related to us later while we were waiting to ramp walk with adequate KnowWhat posted on her face. After dinner and after having posed a wheat mustache in Gentleman style, i came back to my room and got into dancing mood. Picked up "hips don't lie" in youtube and aped the non robotic moves till my hips hurt with all those twisting and turning. It was close to 12 and i switched off the mobile after keeping the alarm at 6:30.
Frightening fits
At 6:30, jes b4 the alarm went off, i woke up and jes as i was about fold the bed sheet, dad started calling. I vividly remembered my dream, i had to walk under a high tension transformer, which was going to burst any second. Then i had to climb down the stairs in front of a temple. what a dream. And there was this security check in front of TN secretariat, by a person called Mazumdar. crazy dream. Please i thought, let me brush and do first things first. When i came back, dad had called 9 times. I called him back, he told that thaatha had passed away. I felt no shock, no tears. Just that it was summon to run home. I took bath, composed a mail to pgp office and told my team mates that i am bunking classes. At 7:30, i missed my pranayam and asanas and rushed to the gate. I saw AA on the way with a glass of milk, so i grabbed a tumbler of milk as well and asked the short cut from mess uncles. At the gate, i asked the security as well. Got conflicting answers. So i took the auto outside the gate and alighted in Diary circle, near Christ college. Within few seconds, there was a bus to Hosur. I was sitting in the first row in the left. In the right, one row behind me, while i was watching some tam movie, there was commotion. When I turned, i saw a lady twitching with fits with froth in her mouth that slowly mixed with blood. The conductor was making her hold the steel bar and the first thing i said was jes Shiva Shiva continuously. The woman who was accompanying the lady ran else where and the conductor was asking someone to hold the lady. I then got up and went near the lady and held her. It was stinking. I was reluctant to use my stole to wipe her mouth. I was so afraid and shocked. The conductor said, use her pallu itself. So i took her pallu and kept wiping her mouth, while praying and willing electric violet light to pass on to her body and heal her. I was praying to all the masters and found that i could not concentrate. Slowly her convulsions subsided and i sat next to her holding her head and making her sleep on my lap. She was supposed to alight at Dillikottai and I had to alight in Hosur. I didn't want to miss thaatha as i had missed my ammayi. So i decided to pray and leave her at Hosur. She got ok, half way through, and used the water i offered, inspite of the conductor asking me not to give her water. I continued to pray, but it was not sincere. I got distracted now n then.
Rest of the journey
I alighted at Hosur. Hopped on to Salem bus. I was trying to pray for that lady out there, reading about "Skeletal and Muscular Disorders" and impatiently, i jes went to elilepsy part. I read and tried to practice word by word, but i got distracted by Yaradi Nee Mohini movie and palakaatu parkathile song. I thought, anyway, i have told guru sir, he would take care. Then to a Namakkal bus, then to a thuraiyur bus which deposited me at Mahadevi entrance around 4:30 p.m, a total of 9 hours without proper food and sitting on gearbox and anything available. My chithappa was there and shortly my cousin came to pick me up in his rattling 2 wheeler. The first sight that caught me was dad n sugi, thoroughly soaked, holding a kudam with garland around their necks. Anna dropped me near the house and I touched my thaatha's feet. He was placed on the main door for wooden plank. Even then, i didn't feel like crying. My appayi, held on to me and cried asking for my brother in Indore. I told her that i didn't tell him. Then after those rites n rituals, i managed to see my thaatha's palms. He had the main lines, but there were no fine lines, it was all plain and yellowish. So in a way, it is true - what he had written in Cheiro's book. Now after bathing him, they kept him again, in specific directions and i touched his feet one last time. It was now, that my cousins and aunts started crying and i could not help crying as well. I don't know why tears came down my cheeks.
Back to B
I caught up with all my cousins and aunts and relations, who had been waiting all this long, just to see me. Around 6:30, I had sambhar, rasam n buttermilk on banana leaf in some neighbour's house, coz my aunts wud not leave me otherwise. I waited till dad came back tonsured; told him that i have classes at 10:15 am. It was 8 when i started from there. I was glad Swami was there as well. When i told him, i am going to go alone as i had come, he asked, r u really going alone? He related an anecdote and i was no longer worrying about travelling in the late hours. Again back to Namakkal. Around 10:30, i boarded a direct bus to blore from Salem. From Hosur, i slept on the front seat behind the driver, till they woke me up at Diary circle. It was some college. The security the other side was throwing bits of cut paper on the road and 2 dogs barked out aloud. As i went near the auto stand, 3 autos started all at once as if they were going to run over me. I told him b and he asked for 150. I told him, i would give double and ended up paying 100 for a 48 fare trip. Around 3:30, i was near SBM, where bats or some creature screeched and i reached my room. The most difficult decision was to take bath in cold water at that time. I thought, if i slept like that, then i would have wash the bedsheet, which was washed only yes'day. I took the bucket and found to my pleasant surprise that hot water came. Then i brushed my teeth and switched off my mobile and kept the alarm at 9:30 am. Back to the mundane life out here.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Stray Astray
I saw it for the first time on a Saturday evening. I had missed my pranayam in the morning and I thought, I could do it up on the terrace in the evening when the sun rays were milder on my skin. The clear sky was still my favourite blue and a gentle breeze was flowing through the mahilam tree that had golden yellow flowers blooming. 3rd std M - the boy who liked to dress up like gal and calls himself Lousiana, followed up stairs to the terrace as I sat to start my pranayam. With him was a brown dog. He had johnson’s baby shampoo and was pouring mugs of water on it and giving instructions to his jimmy with his wonderful hi-fi accent. I was amused to have company after a long Saturday of washing clothes and reading fiction and cooking a sole kadamba meal and eating all by myself after my roomie had vacated.
My eyes were still closed, when I felt something wet on my fingers. Jimmy was licking up my fingers. I got up and stood and it got between my legs and behind me to escape M. He was putting an orange blanket on it and trying to GodKnowsWhat do something to it. He asked, shall I throw it down? He is a cute little kid. I saw he was feeding the dog cashews and some biscuits. But he was like ordering it a bit too much. He had named it jimmy. He was like hitting it a bit too much. Kids never know what they are doing. Finally exasperated after all this jabberings, I asked him, how would he feel if, he were to be thrown from the terrace which was at the 3rd floor. He then dragged jimmy with the blanket down and that was it. I finished my pranayam and answered all calls under the beautiful sky.
2 days later, I heard a howling sound. I could not sleep that morning. It was 4 am kind and jimmy was howling its throat out. It reminded me of the nights post May 15 2007, when dogs howled past midnight till early mornings and gave me nightmares. I called up mom and disturbed her sleep as well, whining, how much this howling sound ate me alive. That night, I investigated and found jimmy was on the first floor junkyard. I had no gas over oven then. So I went out and got it a bun. The next day, I conveniently forgot about it. His ears and rear end were kinda infected. So our doctor uncle had asked his weekender grandson not to go anywhere near it. But for me, my sleep was sacrosanct. I would have done anything to stop it howling and crying at nights. So it started that way. Somehow, later, I could not eat my breakfast or dinner, if I had not given it something. My weekends out of station were full of remorse for having left jimmy to starve. So everyday, it was plain old bread and mixed fruit jam and water.
Later, I got the oven and filled gas, made extra rice and chappathi. It ate anything and everything. I checked with my cubicle mate, what dogs ate. I made it milk rice with sugar or chappathi with sugar and milk. Since, my down floor neighbour back home had told that sweety’s hair fell, if she was given salty food. Later when folks came home to stay for couple of days, mom and my chithi, used to admonish me stating, I should not bring jimmy’s bowl inside the house. It used to be always up there in that junkyard. It would wag its tail furiously and scratch its wonderful parts out and shake itself, when I was near it. It never came down the junkyard. But my 1st floor neighbour didn’t like it there. At times, it was prudent, it would throw the empty bowl down stairs, so that I don’t have to climb up and down and fill it with food.
All my neighbours wanted to shoo it away. But it never moved out anywhere. At times, it would bark at night and I would switch on the lights and see some shadow moving out hurriedly. Some times, when I opened the door, it would be waiting there patiently. Whenever, I went out, it would make so many pranks, running about for a short distance in a semicircle and then coming back, running and then again coming back. I decided not to talk to it, because, my neigbhours would hear it and say something. The other day, the opposite block neighbours were pouring buckets of water through the window to make it go away. To my knowledge, it howled only once that early morning. After that it was just stray barking, if someone came near the gate. But my neighbours kept complaining that the dog was howling the whole night. I checked with my dad and mom to see, if I had missed the howling sound, while I was asleep. They said, no it didn’t howl. There were at least 5-6 street dogs in our area. But jimmy was the leanest, diseased. Thought it got comparatively better now. I could not bear corporation folks killing it. But then, I have just this week. Who would take care of it, after I vacate? Blue cross? Then what about the other stray dogs? This morning, it enthusiastically accompanied me till BDA while I went for morning walk with dad on the railway parallel road. It gave me a gentle hit with its nose on my left calf against my jeans. Again, it gave me company till I boarded the office bus at 8:15. I really wonder, how it managed to cross 3 roads full of fast traffic and still follow me.
I can not take care of it till it is alive. No pets are allowed in the hostel. But is it bad to feed it while you can? Am I stealing its street smartness? But why does it not move away, even after I have long since stopped talking to it? What after this week?
My eyes were still closed, when I felt something wet on my fingers. Jimmy was licking up my fingers. I got up and stood and it got between my legs and behind me to escape M. He was putting an orange blanket on it and trying to GodKnowsWhat do something to it. He asked, shall I throw it down? He is a cute little kid. I saw he was feeding the dog cashews and some biscuits. But he was like ordering it a bit too much. He had named it jimmy. He was like hitting it a bit too much. Kids never know what they are doing. Finally exasperated after all this jabberings, I asked him, how would he feel if, he were to be thrown from the terrace which was at the 3rd floor. He then dragged jimmy with the blanket down and that was it. I finished my pranayam and answered all calls under the beautiful sky.
2 days later, I heard a howling sound. I could not sleep that morning. It was 4 am kind and jimmy was howling its throat out. It reminded me of the nights post May 15 2007, when dogs howled past midnight till early mornings and gave me nightmares. I called up mom and disturbed her sleep as well, whining, how much this howling sound ate me alive. That night, I investigated and found jimmy was on the first floor junkyard. I had no gas over oven then. So I went out and got it a bun. The next day, I conveniently forgot about it. His ears and rear end were kinda infected. So our doctor uncle had asked his weekender grandson not to go anywhere near it. But for me, my sleep was sacrosanct. I would have done anything to stop it howling and crying at nights. So it started that way. Somehow, later, I could not eat my breakfast or dinner, if I had not given it something. My weekends out of station were full of remorse for having left jimmy to starve. So everyday, it was plain old bread and mixed fruit jam and water.
Later, I got the oven and filled gas, made extra rice and chappathi. It ate anything and everything. I checked with my cubicle mate, what dogs ate. I made it milk rice with sugar or chappathi with sugar and milk. Since, my down floor neighbour back home had told that sweety’s hair fell, if she was given salty food. Later when folks came home to stay for couple of days, mom and my chithi, used to admonish me stating, I should not bring jimmy’s bowl inside the house. It used to be always up there in that junkyard. It would wag its tail furiously and scratch its wonderful parts out and shake itself, when I was near it. It never came down the junkyard. But my 1st floor neighbour didn’t like it there. At times, it was prudent, it would throw the empty bowl down stairs, so that I don’t have to climb up and down and fill it with food.
All my neighbours wanted to shoo it away. But it never moved out anywhere. At times, it would bark at night and I would switch on the lights and see some shadow moving out hurriedly. Some times, when I opened the door, it would be waiting there patiently. Whenever, I went out, it would make so many pranks, running about for a short distance in a semicircle and then coming back, running and then again coming back. I decided not to talk to it, because, my neigbhours would hear it and say something. The other day, the opposite block neighbours were pouring buckets of water through the window to make it go away. To my knowledge, it howled only once that early morning. After that it was just stray barking, if someone came near the gate. But my neighbours kept complaining that the dog was howling the whole night. I checked with my dad and mom to see, if I had missed the howling sound, while I was asleep. They said, no it didn’t howl. There were at least 5-6 street dogs in our area. But jimmy was the leanest, diseased. Thought it got comparatively better now. I could not bear corporation folks killing it. But then, I have just this week. Who would take care of it, after I vacate? Blue cross? Then what about the other stray dogs? This morning, it enthusiastically accompanied me till BDA while I went for morning walk with dad on the railway parallel road. It gave me a gentle hit with its nose on my left calf against my jeans. Again, it gave me company till I boarded the office bus at 8:15. I really wonder, how it managed to cross 3 roads full of fast traffic and still follow me.
I can not take care of it till it is alive. No pets are allowed in the hostel. But is it bad to feed it while you can? Am I stealing its street smartness? But why does it not move away, even after I have long since stopped talking to it? What after this week?
Friday, May 2, 2008
After IIMB?
I still remember the afternoon in meena aunty’s house in 2003. I was arguing for joining MBA after my engineering, removing all my pins taking a year off after college. Swami said, NO, you are going for job. No more studies now. I left it at that. I got comfortably ensconced in cogni for 3 years till 2006 august. After that Friday nightmare, I really started wondering, what is the point in putting in all these late hours, losing life, for what? Ultimately, nothing.
2006 was decisive, which made me realize, what I felt dearer was no longer so. Made me value relationships more than money. In 2007, both sugi and cheenu got admission for their PGs. And I realized, being the eldest, I was the only one without a PG degree, a mere BTech. I thought about weekend classes, but to waste 3 years of Saturday Sundays for an executive MBA in IIMB was unimaginable for me. I really am amazed with how my managers managed. In fact, two of them of have said, that they could not give the exams due to various constraints.
This time round, when I said, I am going to join PGP, no one voiced any concern. My parents, siblings, even swami said, you will get what you want. Ilizarov frame was fit on may 10, 2007 to equalize my limbs. I got my CAT books on June 15. I tried practicing at home, however, I found, I could not focus. After 8 sums, my mind went back to TV in the guest house, that I had to crane and watch at the top corner of the room. On july 1st, I enrolled for TIME, paid 10K and joined the bandwagon. Everyone at home scolded me for draining 10K, for straining, when I had to take adequate rest.
After that, life was mechanical. I still remember, wincing with every jolt as I traveled in auto from wind tunnel road to cmh road to attend classes in Jain college. I made it a point not to think that 7 pins were poking in my left tibia. I never minded whose arms I held for support to climb upstairs for classes – sweeper, watchman, or student. I never bothered about propriety; I stretched my leg on the bench and attended classes. I concentrated on quants at night, since, that made me sleep sooner. I slept with the lights on, so that, when pain woke me up, I could do a few sums in quants and then go back to sleep.
I remember after a Sunday night class, when my pins had got infected. Every step squeezed out pus and what not. Every moment after a slight period of inactivity, mercilessly pulled my skin taut against the pins, rubbing painfully. I walked crying openly on CMH road not bothering about crutch palsy, as I hanged limp on to the crutches, as I waved for each passing auto. One out of 10 stopped, coz, it was not the best deal for auto wallahs to get a safari from cmh road to airport road.
By October, the pain subsided; I could feel my severed tibia strengthening. I could walk without shoulder crutches. But doctor insisted, the frame had to be there for 30 more days, every time, I went. I lost interest in CAT preparation. I just did what was assigned to me. I was miles behind my planned schedule. I found reasons to bunk weekend classes, but i made it a point not to miss, even a single AIMCAT. Since, I had paid, only 10k, they had blocked my scores. I didn’t know how I was performing wrt to my competitors. I just wrote exams and came back and tried to practice my solution set. I still remember, the calls I made home after a usually bad AIMCAT. I would say, I didn’t do well and pour out to sugi. She would patiently listen as I blabbered.
I still remember the early Saturday Sunday mornings, I would be settled in the hall, doing quants, and folks from neighbouring rooms would come and pry. At night, earlier, when my school mate used to call, I used to feel irritated that my preparation time was being encroached upon. Later, I gladly welcomed all interruptions, attended calls for hours at night. Recited lalitha for 1 hr almost every night. I started giving more importance to morning pranayam and asanas and evening recitation, when compared to my cat preparation.
To top it all, we had KPIs at work. On Nov 17, we had to come to office and spend 8 hrs. On Nov 18, I still remember, the ease with which I got the auto, which took me to malleswaram in a jiffy. I was practicing bahya pranayam, through out the auto trip. I did controlled breathing, I just wrote it, for the sake of getting over with it. Only during lunch, I realized, I had made lots of mistakes in verbal. I marked one question in quants after time was over, that got correct.
By December 20, the frame was removed. I was struck in hospital till jan 8. I got access to net only on Jan 12. When I saw that I had been short listed, I was pleasantly surprised. Then started fresh tension. SP Jain interview was the first. And anna successfully convinced me, that after 5 years or work experience, PG was not a big value add. Then FMS interspersed with B, K and L. I always said to myself, it is just me that I have to put forth, compete with. Don’t bother about those really smart guys and gals. I thought I had done well in K and L. I didn’t feel all that good after B interview. It was pouring that day and I felt my lips quavering towards the end. Though initially, it was a roller coaster ride. All the questions posed were expected and I had prepared for them and delivered kinda well. That day, I still remember, I was so disturbed. I am not a Bhagwad gita person. It was my roomie’s. When I randomly opened the book, the verse that I saw was on doing one’s karma without expecting results. I felt a bit calmer. I never bothered about results; in fact I remembered them, only when someone else asked about it.
Yesterday, I wore my lucky dress, for my weekend job interview. I could not wear that for any of the interviews, for; it was a 5 yr old plain chudidhar. I was going for pranic healing. My appointment was at 10 am. Around 9:40 Suma called up and asked about the results, only then, I remembered that it was the day of results. She was the one who told me that I had got selected; I still could not believe it. I frantically searched for a cyber café and saw that I was indeed selected in B. But later, the fee details started bugging me. Where is 10k in FMS and 10 lakhs in B for almost the same thing? Well, now, I am really not bothered. The fact, that god has given me this opportunity which my batch mates have been denied says something. Like it is another accident. It just happened. Now I have to carry on, strive harder, without salary for 2 years. Jumped from frying pan to fire. What next? Rat race? I will be 30 when I finish. Will 31 be too late for my son? Why bother?
2006 was decisive, which made me realize, what I felt dearer was no longer so. Made me value relationships more than money. In 2007, both sugi and cheenu got admission for their PGs. And I realized, being the eldest, I was the only one without a PG degree, a mere BTech. I thought about weekend classes, but to waste 3 years of Saturday Sundays for an executive MBA in IIMB was unimaginable for me. I really am amazed with how my managers managed. In fact, two of them of have said, that they could not give the exams due to various constraints.
This time round, when I said, I am going to join PGP, no one voiced any concern. My parents, siblings, even swami said, you will get what you want. Ilizarov frame was fit on may 10, 2007 to equalize my limbs. I got my CAT books on June 15. I tried practicing at home, however, I found, I could not focus. After 8 sums, my mind went back to TV in the guest house, that I had to crane and watch at the top corner of the room. On july 1st, I enrolled for TIME, paid 10K and joined the bandwagon. Everyone at home scolded me for draining 10K, for straining, when I had to take adequate rest.
After that, life was mechanical. I still remember, wincing with every jolt as I traveled in auto from wind tunnel road to cmh road to attend classes in Jain college. I made it a point not to think that 7 pins were poking in my left tibia. I never minded whose arms I held for support to climb upstairs for classes – sweeper, watchman, or student. I never bothered about propriety; I stretched my leg on the bench and attended classes. I concentrated on quants at night, since, that made me sleep sooner. I slept with the lights on, so that, when pain woke me up, I could do a few sums in quants and then go back to sleep.
I remember after a Sunday night class, when my pins had got infected. Every step squeezed out pus and what not. Every moment after a slight period of inactivity, mercilessly pulled my skin taut against the pins, rubbing painfully. I walked crying openly on CMH road not bothering about crutch palsy, as I hanged limp on to the crutches, as I waved for each passing auto. One out of 10 stopped, coz, it was not the best deal for auto wallahs to get a safari from cmh road to airport road.
By October, the pain subsided; I could feel my severed tibia strengthening. I could walk without shoulder crutches. But doctor insisted, the frame had to be there for 30 more days, every time, I went. I lost interest in CAT preparation. I just did what was assigned to me. I was miles behind my planned schedule. I found reasons to bunk weekend classes, but i made it a point not to miss, even a single AIMCAT. Since, I had paid, only 10k, they had blocked my scores. I didn’t know how I was performing wrt to my competitors. I just wrote exams and came back and tried to practice my solution set. I still remember, the calls I made home after a usually bad AIMCAT. I would say, I didn’t do well and pour out to sugi. She would patiently listen as I blabbered.
I still remember the early Saturday Sunday mornings, I would be settled in the hall, doing quants, and folks from neighbouring rooms would come and pry. At night, earlier, when my school mate used to call, I used to feel irritated that my preparation time was being encroached upon. Later, I gladly welcomed all interruptions, attended calls for hours at night. Recited lalitha for 1 hr almost every night. I started giving more importance to morning pranayam and asanas and evening recitation, when compared to my cat preparation.
To top it all, we had KPIs at work. On Nov 17, we had to come to office and spend 8 hrs. On Nov 18, I still remember, the ease with which I got the auto, which took me to malleswaram in a jiffy. I was practicing bahya pranayam, through out the auto trip. I did controlled breathing, I just wrote it, for the sake of getting over with it. Only during lunch, I realized, I had made lots of mistakes in verbal. I marked one question in quants after time was over, that got correct.
By December 20, the frame was removed. I was struck in hospital till jan 8. I got access to net only on Jan 12. When I saw that I had been short listed, I was pleasantly surprised. Then started fresh tension. SP Jain interview was the first. And anna successfully convinced me, that after 5 years or work experience, PG was not a big value add. Then FMS interspersed with B, K and L. I always said to myself, it is just me that I have to put forth, compete with. Don’t bother about those really smart guys and gals. I thought I had done well in K and L. I didn’t feel all that good after B interview. It was pouring that day and I felt my lips quavering towards the end. Though initially, it was a roller coaster ride. All the questions posed were expected and I had prepared for them and delivered kinda well. That day, I still remember, I was so disturbed. I am not a Bhagwad gita person. It was my roomie’s. When I randomly opened the book, the verse that I saw was on doing one’s karma without expecting results. I felt a bit calmer. I never bothered about results; in fact I remembered them, only when someone else asked about it.
Yesterday, I wore my lucky dress, for my weekend job interview. I could not wear that for any of the interviews, for; it was a 5 yr old plain chudidhar. I was going for pranic healing. My appointment was at 10 am. Around 9:40 Suma called up and asked about the results, only then, I remembered that it was the day of results. She was the one who told me that I had got selected; I still could not believe it. I frantically searched for a cyber café and saw that I was indeed selected in B. But later, the fee details started bugging me. Where is 10k in FMS and 10 lakhs in B for almost the same thing? Well, now, I am really not bothered. The fact, that god has given me this opportunity which my batch mates have been denied says something. Like it is another accident. It just happened. Now I have to carry on, strive harder, without salary for 2 years. Jumped from frying pan to fire. What next? Rat race? I will be 30 when I finish. Will 31 be too late for my son? Why bother?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Splendid Wayanad
pookot lakeThe Journey
So, I decided to go in spite of chandrastama. On Friday, we had a deadline. At 4, the basis guy came and I had to finish the task before 6. But at first shot it looked like it would take 1 whole day. Man, I was downcast, I went to MC and told him, it will take some time and I have to leave tonight and pack. He said, ask NJ and P to share it. But we had to configure something, that only basis guy could do and I spent 40 min in agony. At last, at 5, I told him out 63 tasks only 4 was done and we had an emergency meeting and we decided, we will complete all 63, but part of it. Like mads, we finished the task before 6:20 and I boarded my 6:30 bus with great relief. Once I reached home, Kite Runner, caught my fancy. Instead of packing, I was reading KR popping in fried moong dal in parallel, which was my dinner in the absence of gas and microwave. There was no banana and I could not eat the mango that I had planned. R had said, that, he would pick me up at 10:15 and the innova would start at 11 pm from RMZ. But he had been having chandrastama the previous day and he had lost sleep over work and when he came to pick me up, it was 11 pm. Man, by 11, I would be fast asleep usually. I was still engrossed in KR, when, he came and we went to RMZ to join the rest of the gang.
Pallu Tiw was fabulous. A kid like gal, with so much of bubbliness and I felt an instant bonding with her. She was apparently the TL and guys spared no moment to joke for that. I could immediately connect to AP and BB as well. It took me 2 days to associate the remaining 3 guys with their names. I was kinda let down to see a qualis instead of the promised innova. I had also told, that I would sleeping in the front, where I could stretch my legs, but everyone said, one should not sleep next to the driver. So I sat in the middle with PT on my right and R on my right. BB sat in the front, next to the driver V and the remaining 3 guys ensconced themselves behind.
The whole night, it was full masti. BB had a good voice and knew lots of songs and akash was fabulous in remixing. We played antakshari and sang custom made songs to regular tunes. I was part of the chorus, pitching in a line or two, whenever I could remember the song lines. We stopped at a roadside tea shop towards midnight. We got the driver tea and the guys were smoking. I kept myself away from the smoke near the qualis itself. After the tea break, I was flabbergasted to find, that qualis was not starting. We had to get down and give it a push, once from the front and once from behind. Pallu got down and she gave a push from the front and lo it started. But the way, the rest of the folks took this was amusing. They made a jolly good joke of anything and everything and we had a gala time. Around 1:30 – 2, we reached CCD in mysore road. When was the last time, I had something at 2 am I don’t remember. 3 of us had strawberry milkshake and the rest had cold coffees. It was too good. I was surprised; CCD was so busy on early sat morning at 2 am. God, what people! So why do days and nights exist then?
Kerala Border Permit Verification
After CCD, we again had to push it to start it. We reached kerala border around 5 am. We waited patiently for the driver V to show his papers and get across the checkpost. But it took hours. The guys, thank god, got out and I could stretch and bit and lie down in the second row seat. It was all misty and we savoured the view as sunlight slowly trickled in and gave a better view with every passing minute. it felt great to be part of nature and cherish this intimacy with birds and those insects and making screeching and what not sounds. But when the sun unraveled the misty field before us, we were kinda put off to find, that the field with those awesome huts and coconut trees backdrop was actually a shitting field for the local folks. For a long time, the check post people were checking the papers and we were trying to nap, while V stood in the q to get the permit validated. After that, the guys came back to tell that there was a river nearby. I dragged PT and R to see the river. We walked past those peaceful tall bamboo shoots towering above us. It turned out to be a charming muddy rivulet. We saw a wooden bridge and wanted to take snaps and found that there were no steps connecting the makeshift bridge with the land. It was just tied to the rope and lay floating in mid air. We returned back to qualis and napped again, while we waited for the driver to return back. Man it took almost 2 hours, for the driver to return with the papers verified. There was a long queue in front of us, and even longer one behind. I was surprised to see swamis in black and blue dhotis smoking near their vehicles. In fact one set of guys took bat and ball and played cricket on the road, while waiting.
Our Resort
AP had arranged stay in Palm View Resort in kalpetta. For a sat night and 2 days, it was 3.6k for a 3 bedroom apartment. It was ok, nothing special about this, just like all other resorts and guest houses. But we had to call up reception in the evening to get the housekeeper clean our room, and there were no tissues in the restroom. There were jack fruit trees along the road side, which one can find only in kerala or places like kollimalai back home. It was close to 9-10 when we reached the resort and by the time, we got ready, it was little more than 11 am. Our plan was to visit Kuruva dweep and edukkal caves before 5 pm. We went to hotel woodlands to have our lunch. Thank god, pallu was veggie. The guys ordered beef, chicken and almost every creature on earth, flying, swimming and walking. Pallu got rotis and mutter sabji. Akash and I had what woodlands offered as typical brown boiled rice kerala meals. Again, coconutty as expected. It took 1 hour for the ordered food to come and we ate the first meal of the day in little more than 30 minutes.
Kuruva Islands
We boarded, the qualis with full gusto to see kuruva island. AP’s mother tongue was Malayalam and he was the navigator for us. Almost everyone we asked, said that it was 15 kms away at various places, so much so that, we all started shouting 15 km, padinainju padinainju and Kuruva Kuruva all the way, till we saw the first board that said, kuruva dweep. BB was literally the soul of the party, shouting and entertaining us, with his humorous remarks. That katcha road was supposed to lead us to the island. We had been traveling for almost an hour, with no sign of greenery, leave alone an island and water. It was a dusty non existent road and we had switched off ac to reduce the load on the poor engine. We really got skeptical about the existence of the island. We shouted Kuruva KURUVA with more gusto, with every passing vehicle in that lonely road. We started discussing, if it was haunted place occupied by ghosts. Thick creepers had climbed up tall bamboo shoots and trees with parched crumbling barks, killing its very supporter and in the process, getting dried and shriveled to death. After what seemed like eternity, we reached the island board, were we saw host of other vans and sumos and tempos. Lots of people were there. Again, no sign of water anywhere. There was a valley surrounded by green mountains. Awesome view indeed, but where is the island, we pondered. We paid the charges and started walking. At last, we reached the murky muddy green river kabini. All we saw was 2 bamboo rafts, and no oars, one rope across the river. People were moving the raft using the rope. We stepped on the raft and reached other side. Our guide walked in front of us. He did not speak a word. We happily clicked and walked behind him, wondering, why on earth he was ever there. No, thanks, we can do the walking around the jungle by the river ourselves.
After crossing 2 rivulets, we realized, the importance of the guide. Man it so easy to get lost and current was so strong, that I when I tried to keep my feet in the water, it moved along with water. I slipped on the moss grown stones once and kinda hurt my surya and shani toes in my left leg. I was so glad, when Akash followed suit. Man had company immediately. I had apparently pulled R along with me, when I slipped down, R told me later…well reflex action. I could not help remembering MA’s 18 yr old cousin, who had been pulled down into the waterfalls near ooty by his friend who had slipped down. Both met their watery graves, few days after they had got appointed in an IT company. Well, but here the water was shallow, just that the current was strong as water rushed through the stones and rocks that were the makers for the guides. We found a unoccupied place, and each of us, sat on a rock, luxuriating with our feet dangling in the strong current and splashing water on each other. The guys again took on to sutta maarna sitting on the rocks. Wondering, how many cigs per day?
AP had also slipped somewhere and we were shocked when we found, that he felt giddy and his left hand had swollen. BB got a straight flat stick and he bound the stick to AP’s hand with 2 hand kerchiefs.
After what seemed like going on for ever, we got moving again. The guide took us to climbing up a hillock. Initially it seemed like a small slope, however, after we had climbed up for quite some time and looked back, the view was awesome, with river flowing by, with uprooted trees here and there, a rock or two jutting out beautifully in odd clusters, with lush greenery around, with those assorted bright flowers as if it was thrown around by a careless hand. Man, kurvua island was ultimate.
After reaching the valleys again, we passed by the lush green paddy fields. That alley reminded me of the scene in harry potter as harry shouts expecto patronum and stag appears at the other side of the small lake, except that it was a delightful afternoon with lush greenery all around. And what had appeared as a deer from a distance turned out to be an equally charming brown calf. We strolled along with due rapture savouring nature’s sumptuous feast. After what seemed like eternity, we found that we had reached the place where we had started. We had sweet and salt lemon soda for 7 a glass. Around 5, we bid adieu to kuruva dweep to get past the katcha road before sunset.
We reached the resort around 7 pm. AP was escorted to hospital to mend his hand, that thank god turned out to be nothing serious and just requiring a grip bandage. I found that I could not watch even a single common channel with R for more 5 minutes and so we decided to go for a stroll. There were no street lights on the road. However, there were fire flies zooming in and out as in a rhythmic dance in response to all those thousand sounds of creatures screeching in darkness. Around 9, the hospital goers and sleep mongers all assembled and we had a buffet dinner – mine was 2 chappatis, dal curry, vegetable kadai, rice, gulab jamun. We were planning to have a camp fire. But camp fire at 10 pm? God, why are not these guys, ever going to sleep in night. I am used to hitting bed at 10 pm and wake up early to do my morning pranayam. And these guys are used to sleep only after 4 am. Somehow, they agreed on cancelling the campfire, and decided to go for sleep. How would some one dance after a heavy dinner, even otherwise?
PT and BB went to the wooden porch swing. And I was glad to find a rope bed tied to two palm trees. I got on to that and R was obliged to swing me in it for a while, I lay down contented, gazing at the ashtami Chandra hiding behind the palm leaves.
It was close to 12 when I hit the bed. PT had not yet come in. I just slept at the corner and dozed off. Suddenly I was jolted awake. PT slept like a baby, snoring, putting her legs at all angles. I tried to doze after that and still after 3, I found, I could not sleep. So I took kite runner and a pillow and stretched my legs on the tea poy and started to read in the hall. After sometime, a better idea struck me. I went to the ground floor reception, where a bamboo swing was placed. I settled nicely on the bamboo swing chair, and gently rocked in it and read KR as I watched the morning sun, transform the misty sight seen through the glass doors. Fog stayed till around 9 am. I read only 50 pages in those 3 hours. As I read about Hassan getting raped, hitting his forehead with pomegranate and later accepting the charges of stealing, i could not help, controlling my tears. I knew it was bad to cry early morning, but could not help it, once it started, without reason, tears continued to roll down, without further stimulus. At 6:47, after having gazed at the refreshing grass lawn, in the front bordered with lovely small flowers, I decided, to get ready. We had been planning to push off at 7 am, so that we could actually start at 8 am.
Day 2 - Pookot Lake
PT was also enthralled by the misty morning and she grabbed AK for a walk. I bathed and got ready and found, folks were still sleeping. I went up the terrace to do pranayam and found, only then guys were having their morning tea that had turned ice cold. There was no slab or chair to sit up and the terrace walks were high for me to settle my feet on the ground. Luckily there was gap in the terrace walks (but why was it there?) where I could sit and put my legs dangling down and see the valley and the road winding down in the misty backdrop. But after a while, it was some kind of smell, probably there was a toilet beneath or some thing of that kind. So I got up and I told RD the story of KR, which I had read so far enjoying the view from the terrace.
At last, we successfully, managed to start around 9:30 am. We went to a spa kind of restaurant Haritagiri. Man food there was divine. We had appam and veg stew. Idlis with proper sambar, coconut chutney served out of clay kadais. Boiled eggs. Bread butter jam. Pine apple slices, Coffee, tea. I had 3 appams and 1 idli. AK surprised as all by having so much, as if he was having breakfast, lunch and dinner all together.
Our first spot for the day was Pookot lake. By then, sun had started to bake us all with its full fury and intensity. Could not believe God’s own country could be so scorching hot. Our skin was burning. We reached the lake and opted for boating. Nothing, so arresting or different, except for the lilies scattered around the periphery of the lake where the mountains sloped down. We got into the open boat, and it was fun seeing bubbly PT, pose in her full enthu. Even though I wore RD’s cap, it was pretty scorching. Guys took a separated lily stalk and posed as if it was their garland or shiva’s snake around the neck. We had hired an oarsman. RD said, that required too much strength. I realized, haan, a simple stroke for 10 minutes in the swimming pool would hurt your upper arms like anything if you are doing it after a loooong break.
After pookot lake, we went back to resort and vacated. Since the majority had eaten a heavy breakfast, the minority had to starve for lunch. The guys were eating lays and other items which I hardly touch unless, I am starving to death. After vacating, we went straight to Muthunga sanctuary. We took our qualis, we had come in for safari. It was most fabulous part, in a way. All we could see was the rear of couple of elephants on the way, no other animal, not even a deer. In fact, AK, RD, PT, SA, almost every one dozed off in the qualis. We were searching for animals, so much so much so that, BB created an uproar, when we could spot a dog after hours of dust picking. We started shooting the dog with digicam with great gusto and it was laughter all the while, on finding at least one four legged animal in the safari. The guide in fact, scared us all by stating that forest fires, start just like that in april. It was 4 pm, when we reached kerala border, welcome to Karnataka board.
I had been insisting on going to Thirunelli. But it ended that, it was not on the way back to blore. Some where on the Karnataka highway around 4:30, the right rear wheel got flattened, however the driver stopped safely in the corner. Later when I called dad and told him that I had reached mysore, dad was telling, how a family of 6 was spot dead, because the tyres burst near subramaniapuram. In our case, it just got flattened, thanks to qualis safari.
While the driver changed the tyres, BB and AP took on to video graph, how to replace a tyre for youtube. Our tummies were hurting because of laughter, listening to the way BB was commenting on how, it has got flattened, where we were parked, and how the driver was replacing the tyre. They took on to video graphing the track, the vehicle had taken before, it had stopped with a dop dop dop sound.
Serene Gopalakrishna Bhetta
While, the driver changed the wheels, we (RD, PT and I) walked across, the dry newly ploughed field, to rest under the shady tree. Once, we resumed, we saw small cabbage fields everywhere. It was a fabulous view. In response to thirunelli, AP had been suggested gopalakrishna bhetta by the guide. I was against going there, since, it was not thirunelli shiva temple, my excuse being, that we had become unclean since morning, and that, we were going there for sightseeing, rather than seeking spiritual solace.
Nevertheless, the gang decided to go there, since, we had nothing else to do, as the mechanic mended the punctured tyre at the road leading to bhetta. After driving along the fabulous peaceful road, leading to the bhetta, we were flabbergasted to find that the temple visiting time was only till 5 pm. It was already 5:30 pm. I again, said, lo come on, we will turn back. However, the driver gave 10 extra to the gatekeeper and we were allowed inside.
Now I am glad, we went there. Like nandi hills. In fact even better. So peaceful, so serene, so fabulous, breathtaking, awe inspiring. I was dumbstruck with effusive greenery and oneness one could experience with nature, the whole area exuded peace and invoked such unspoken feelings that I just got intoxicated and indulged in silence. We reached the temple and had darshan. We sat for a while every side of the temple to savour the view. And we went further down, sat on couple of rocks and watched sunset. BB, PT gave such wonderful poses as if to swallow or hold the golden orange sun in their hands. It was so pleasant.
Around 6:30, we started downhill. The mechanic had closed the shop and the moment, we reached, he came to us to give us the tyre. We had coffee, tea in the road side shop and packed off to blore. BB and Akash were at top gear again. It was all hindi songs, with remixing by Akash, and on the spot customizations by BB. We reached mysore around 8:30 pm. We had dinner in hotel monarch. It took one hour for them to deliver the order. I settled for one butter naan, saag paneer and 2 spoonfuls of ghee rice with dal curry. As usual SA was the last to eat and I waited till he finished licking even the lemon slices.
We packed off from mysore, little after 10 pm. Folks wanted to watch Jab we met and hence I could not sleep. Folks ensconced in the back seat managed to take a nap though. I was like a drunkard due to lack of sleep for 3 continuous nights. We reached RMZ building after 1 pm and took another snap near the gate and bid adieu.
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