Beloved IJ

My sis, bro and mom are really sick hearing me talk about IJ...they are really losing patience, the moment i start about IJ... however, of late IJ is the only person who comes to my mind always...

Especially Saturdays...its just thinking about IJ... its not platonic... but it can never be even remotely carnal as well, though at times it is...i am confused why am i wasting my time thinking abt him...all i know is...whenever i sit with math...my thoughts switch on to him...n thinking abt him...brings a silly smile on my face...

Or is plain numbers again... another 2-7 thing...but i should not generalize with just 3 such relationships... or is it that i am over imagining his mere professional behaviour with me...
meeting him took 5 months to convince dad...1 month of my sis's time to book his appt ...and when i finally got his appt...i had to cancel the trip....thanks to cauvery issue...all buses were stopped across the karnataka border...

it was Feb 24 ...4 days after his bday that i was finally able to meet him...he was angry then...he was saying no more free things for that Rosy with a kid whose both legs were in pop...and to me he said...i didn't call you... actually his assistant had called me...i thought oh my god...why am i even here... nothing can be more irritating than waiting for hours to meet this person...who like a typical moony can be 50% hitlerish 50% gandhish...and you would never know when what... he is one person who likes to boast...or rather...it is how you need to be...modesty never pays...you need to blow your own trumpet to maintain that... however he spent more than 40 minutes counselling...and even now am kinda angry that i was close to tears before him that day... that first trip is again memorable...cause those were after the initial blore days... i had boarded the bus at 11:30 pm and reached vellore at 3:30 am... early morning... all alone in the filthy bus stop...and they were playing old thamizh songs... god it felt so good to be back home...to listen to thamizh... to look forward to proper idli sambar after the sambar kodumai in blore...

in april he had sent a crisp letter home... my sis had all the world's time and she offered to get the pre auth form filled...however, when she speed posted the form...it never reached me... i had to make another trip after april 22 to submit the pre auth form... his assistant K gave me his number then... and she said...she would have the form filled the following monday... sugi and i reached the following monday...n we were shocked...k was on leave and so was IJ... we had in fact called up on sat and confirmed the pre auth form being available...

we thought the attendant who was there was just telling lies that IJ was on leave... we waited...we went to annexe to have breakfast and tried our luck again... he was not there...my fury knew no bounds...i tried calling him up...and he promptly cut my calls...he should have been roaming...or could be no signal... for he called from some landline... my sis tried to calm me down... but i was so disgusted with the whole state of affairs...and with no other option... i smsed him asking him to let us know when the form will be filled up completely...(by the way it was April 30 then...a true jupiterian director's bday)... we had travelled the whole night from trichy to meet him and lo this was the result...so i messaged him stating we are leaving this day... would he let us know when he would fill in the pre auth form completely... so then at last it was a breather when he called up from kerala stating that he was at his mother in law's place...he asked me to stay in vellore and not go back to try...and he needed to examine me...but the next day was May day...did they work on this day? sugi wanted to make sure i had not sent any thing rash... she had fear or respect for HODs...she grabbed my mobile and only after she saw what i had sent she stopped advising me...

the only friend sugi knew had had a Cesarean then...so staying at that place was na mumkin... so we just took the scan as he had asked...and pushed off for watching "tara rum pum" nearby... so it was past 5 then... we had to find a room to sleep and since we had not planned for another day... we had to buy nighty as well...so that we could wash and wear fresh clothes the next day...

we found a room at last through a beauty parlour lady and the next day we were there at 9 am to bug him... he was there in his office ...he exclaimed to some B stating look at the number of pins she has... he asked if i had been the airports...but domestic flights never bother abt metals i believe...and he explained, how the length discrepancy had occurred... the angle of the neck of femur had changed increasing the length of the whole leg... now there were two options to shorten the longer operated right leg... or lengthen the proper left leg... but i could never trust anything dexterous...right from a tiny wart on the upper right eye lid to my right leg toes... everything was mended...my sinistrous side was there strong and reliable always... he went out for something... and i could not help noticing...how the scan completely... embarrassingly revealed my outline and every fold and curve... n how IJ was discussing offhandedly...

so i was there with my sis and he said he needed to examine me... and the dressing room that day did not have any gowns...i was just been given a bedsheet...and there he was examining my leg making windows through the sheets... i could not help remembering the starting scenes of Midnight's children then... (man i was literally in love with Salman Rushdie those days in 1998...)

operating the left he said was cake walk for him...2 cms was nothing...he had grown bones till 20 cm... operating the right he said would be kinda tedious cause he would have to tamper the sleeping 7 year old screws and plates... but then i had been cautioned by my Aries DM who had the ilizarov on his femur and he was not able to sit or sleep ... so i was against getting ilizarov on my right femur no matter what... and he had his reasons not mine...and he agreed to fill up the pre auth form for the operating the left... i don't know what he filled in the first pre auth form...and why did he have this doubt when he was filling the pre auth form for the second time...

so we faxed the pre auth and went home...the next day they called from mumbai stating that claim was not approved... since cmc was removed from the list of networked hospitals...i spent a week in agony...trying to call up cmc n uhc checking what was the issue... with 4 days for surgery...i had no other go...sugi suggested miot...but then i had read a mail...where a 20ish road accident guy was declared dead due to heart attack... and dad again put his foot down stating it is either cmc or no operation... i mailed my hr manager as the last resort and lo...mails poured in after that stating it was already approved...oops god... how uhc turned its plates...lovely....

so on may 8th... sugi and i were going to board the 8:20 bus that leaves oft...i started early with mom...but sugi had things to do...she said...she will catch up with me... just when she reached the bus stop the 8:20 bus left... the next one was at 8:50 and our vellore bus was to start from junction at 9:20 or 9:30... i have always hated autos and i said...i would rather wait for the bus than to board an auto at that time from oft... so after waiting the bus came to oft at 9 pm and it rolled slowly till airport... after it crossed mannarpuram...i went to the driver requesting him to speed up...he speeded the bus... and we reached the junction 20 minutes late... the only vellore direct bus had already started and it was turning... after being gently chided... we got inside the bus...

we reached the hospi... and found sugi had booked the appt for the wrong date... we got a new appt that was at 11:30 am... but IJ summoned us right in the beginning and we had to wait for the room to be free in ortho... oh my god... all those irritating waits in the care section and waits to get the ward room... same o4 east... same nurses... that night IJ came with close to 10 ppl... they got a ilizarov frame.... put my leg inside that...and they were busy talking... amongst themselves... then came the most irritating part...he was there again... he asked how does it feel to have one leg shorter than the other... oh my god...i just thought about Freaky Friday movie...i hate those how-does-it-feel questions especially from doctors... little do they care...little they can afford to care rather...for their own sanity... how callous he was... rather i felt so... i wanted to tell...get ur one leg shorter and then you would know how it feels... but i ended up saying...what an absurd question is this...and then he left... then there only those interns who wanted me to lower my pants a bit so that they could make measurements...however whenever i see those docs...i only remember them as playing with female corpse...putting pieces of tissues into their friends pockets for fun.. carving obscenities in the female corpse's inner thighs... i hated it...i could not stand that intern palpitating my hips...i could not help crying again...and made him get away...IJ had made all the measurements already and here he was exposing me as a guinea pig to his cult...i was furious...

it was Dulhari (how much her parents should have loved her to keep such a sweet name) a July 26 intern...5 years my junior who comforted me... it was then that i was given a paper to sign that had the list of all possible undesired outcomes after this surgery... i was too scared... did i make a wrong bet? but i signed never the less... but i could not sleep the whole night thinking about the 5 things i had agreed for...informed consent they said...repeated fractures...infection...n 3 more things... well... it was 2 am...i could not sleep yet... even after popping in that sedative... so then some time after 2 i sent IJ an sms stating he was the only reason i was here...and that i was allergic to adhesive bandages and i was not comfortable playing the exhibit for his gang... of course... that is a typical moon thing... boasting his works... he is a teacher... mentor...so used to explaining things to his juniors...his job...but then i was so irritated with this whole world... i was scared he would let his interns do the surgery while he just guided them...

the next day morning he was there in the room where they keep people before surgery...i had given my right incissor RPD to my sister as you have to, before the surgeries... i was so embarrassed to talk to him with the gap in my teeth... but then he said he was hurt with my sms... he said this is an educational institution... i replied it was intimidating when he came in with so many ppl...throwing his weight... he said next time round...he would send only one or two persons... i told him...i don't want another surgery and then he patted my hand and said it would be the last surgery... i was smiling again...

i was in at 9:30 and around 1:30 i was just woke up with mild discomfort... saliva had drooled from my mouth after that anaesthetic sleep and lo there was IJ... asking if it was paining... come on... what else do you expect... this another question i really hate... what am i supposed to say... it does not hurt...of course it does... but i have to be keep my trap shut and say...it is bearable... i had not got the meaning of semi private ward...i didn't know it meant no ac... since it was o4 east and familiar surrounding i had agreed...but it was those agni nakshathram days...n it was scorching... i had bid mom home to get a western loo in the quarters and dad had left as well... only sugi was there... guess...it was the next monday... that morning i was just concentrating on IJ to come and see me... i had not seen him after thursday... those were the days i was reading "Autobiography of a Yogi" and i really believe in the powers of siddhis... i was meditating on him...now i think i should have rather meditated and concentrated on getting my leg healed faster...silly foolish me... i was having such a crush on him... it was 8 am...i decided...this time... no more shitting in bed pans... am not going to eat anything solid till am able to walk to the loo on my own...i had been having fruits and milk from wednesday thanks to dad... so at 8... i decided i will rather bathe... god!... back to compartmentalized bathing... sugi got a plastic cover from the sisters and i bathed... felt so good to feel the water cleansing the body... it was while i was bathing that apparently IJ had come... he came after some 30 minutes to see me again...

and there he was telling his patient's comfort was first for him... he was explaining how he had been to US and got the Taylor's Struts framework... i pronounced tailor and he corrected it saying TAYler... again the guru in him...patiently explaining and correcting every disciple... he said...how the US doc and he were good friends and usual blah blah...i never ceased to admire him as he spoke...i was smitten... he then went to explain how to turn it every day... then i asked him how was his weekend...anyways he has his OP on saturday... and he said...he was in a with a hospital governing body meeting or something akin to that... i was so disappointed... oh my god... even on Sundays... i had been thinking... he would spend his Sunday peacefully romantically with his wife... seriously right now...i don't know how life would be the other side of 50... probably i might become a mind reader, astrologer, soothsayer... i might acquire my siddhi powers by then... thinking about and working for jana kalyan... but what does IJ's heart beat for right now... all i can do is just croon...i want to dig down deep...i want to loose some sleep... i want to know IJ inside out... what is he thinking right now... in what dress does he sleep...what does he eat... how does he come to his room 2... what does he pray for... what does he fear...what does he crave for, strive for...

okie leave that... so there he was explaining, how i could turn the 6 struts 1 mm per day and our hands brushed again while he was explaining... he said...he would come at 5:30 pm that day... meanwhile...i wanted to go home...coz...i could not stand the heat and the loo had a step to climb...i thought...by the time i go home...loo would be ready and i can eat something proper... sugi had gone to get the handles for the the shoulder crutches... from 10:30 am ... i was left alone... she came around 2:30 to say they didn't do change the rubber handles in cmc and she had to go out to do that... she said...she had found footwear here outside that was much cheaper than what was available in chennai... i said... whatever it is just come back soon...i could not read my book... i could not listen to my ipod...i was so restless...i needed to pee...i could not get outside the bed... every movement hurt... but then... i was so inconsiderate of sugi's feelings as well...from 4... i kept on trying sugi's number... i kept on trying home... i could not reach any one... i was so furious on being left alone... i was so angry with every one... i could not help crying again... it was close to 5 pm... i was so irritated that sugi did not pick up the call...that i flung the mobile across the room...i could not bring myself to fling the ipod on the floor... the mobile was lying there blinking its lights and there came IJ with his junior again... the plump guy in the adjacent bed came and gave me my mobile... IJ asked, "frustrated is it"... i said kind of...he said "i told you i would come at 5"... i said that he had said 5:30... he then went on to explain how to turn the struts to his junior again... i was embarrassed that IJ had see me flinging a mobile on the floor...i told him.. i needed to be discharged... he said sure... right away....

then he left and i fought with sugi... i still can not believe...i can be so mean and hurt her and myself with such acerbic words... i wanted her away... i could not stand the sight of her... i said...if she stayed in the room...i am going to pack off... i had started walking with the crutches...sugi said she would leave once mom came... but i was not willing to listen...i wanted her away... she was there waiting outside at 7... since she was not going...i took my purse and mobile... i thought i will board an auto and get home in a cab there after... but sugi told the nurses and they locked the 04 east gate.. they kept a lady at the gate to keep me from going to the lifts... it was dinner time... and so many people were coming and going... because of me...the attendant had to unlock and lock the gates every time... finally sugi relented and she stayed out...i still don't know where she stayed that night... but we made it up after june 15... now everytime we spend hours on phone talking over mobile... missing caring for each other... i am almost so possessive of her...but then i was mad i believe... be it mom, my bro or sugi...no matter who it is...i love them so much on the first day... the second day ... there would be some fight over some thing... and then again we have to make it up... after those bitter fights... its always like that... and now when everyone is states apart... i can not but miss them... worry for them... bore them to death over phone every night...

IJ had summoned me on may 23... that trip had one incident as well... when we were returning in the omni... a man crossed when we were close to 80-90 speeds on the highway... the driver put a sudden brake and mom fell on my frame... my first concern was mom...thank god...she was okie... then the pain started shooting... that day as well IJ summoned me first...he insinuated about my temper...i said i get angry at times...well the truth is am always angry with someone over something... am always in love with someone at every point in life... now it is IJ... tomorrow it would be someone else...and in between these transitions lord Shiva ...i didn't have to wait too much that day for xrays... i took that waiting time for granted... i was so mistaken...

every now and then i could not help sending him a stupid mail or sms... and then i thought i was getting explicit and i had to restrict myself sending him another of those silly mails...which his whole dept could read...i didn't want to send him sms as well... i asked him for a letter for leave extension... coz i felt i could not lead my team with this frame... with Ram...most of my time was in the meeting rooms and shuttling between his cubicle and mine... and here i was with my right leg atropied and left leg in frame... IJ said...i was shirking work... i was furious that he didn't approve extra leave after june 15...i said i am not going to office with this frame on my leg...in two shoulder crutches... but he didn't budge and i was furious...i said... okie...well... i have no other option... my piscean friends suggested i get a fake medical letter to ask for leave till September till the frame is removed...but i didn't want to coz...IJ thought i was shirking work...fine i decided... what is the worst that can happen... i then called up Ram and told am coming to office once the planned leave was over... and i went to office in crutches... much against my wishes...

there was another thing with IJ... i was glad he gave the prescriptions and forms in C rate always... i didn't know that such a thing existed... it was sugi who told me that docs had the discretion to bill the patients at premium, concessional and one more rate... november end and early december... i had started my early morning 6 am swimming classes thanks to Salsa dancing Feb10 HAPP Dev... and since i didn't want to limp till the pool without my height adjusted slippers... i used to wear them right till the pool edge... i got 2 pairs of slippers from Malar orthotics and everytime they they used to get torn since i used them with water soaked feet...i didn't want to spend another 450 on a third pair...and so it was stitched by the cobbler... so in the initial days...IJ had taken my two slippers and compared them for the height difference and it was embarrassing that he saw them mended coarsely... i don't understand why am so bothered about this external show... why i am anna wise and rupee foolish...what ever...

after that trip... IJ said...jes send the xray across ...so i got the xrays and send them across... somehow i was never satisfied with the way the bone filled up in 2 cm vacuum...i felt it was not straight... ofcourse no single bone in the human body is perfectly straight...thats what sugi tells me... so sometime after june 15...when i rejoined office i had another trip to cmc...this time round... when mom paid for the appointment in invoice...mom said IJ was on leave...i was furious that he took off... and i sent him another stupid sms... but he was there that day...he summoned me quickly and i didn't have to wait long for the xrays.... i was glad and i packed off at 12 and was in blore by 4:30... this cabbie was the most chuweet... albeit a bit costly...while leaving vellore i sent another stupid sms to IJ...

next month i took the xrays in blore...it was pouring that day... i climbed up Apoorva Diagnostics and got the xrays after my sat classes and couriered it to him... i was again not satisfied with the way ossification was taking place...i sent him another stupid sms.... i forgot to keep a note when i couried him and i sent him another stupid mail... when i called him ... he was very curt... not sparing a second to cut the call... man... he is an acquarian any day...no matter how often his piscean sun intervenes in between... and no use expecting any emotions other than a doctorly demeanour from him... i decided to keep my tailed tucked in.. and not mail him any further or sms him any further... with guys... it is so simple...once off...it is for ever off... it is not like you say you don't think about him and keep on dreaming about him hypocritically... well whats the point... i used to tell sugi... what if i tell in the next appt that i am madly craving for him... sugi would just laugh and shrug it off... many a times i would plan to tell him... and many a times i would decide other wise... whats the point...why complicate his life and get him started on his another moony discourse or curt acquarian nonchalant dismissal... any way what is the point... he is not my destined guy in the first place... and i can not stand an acqurian in the long run... and the moment i love any one... just as it is with sugi and mom and dad n cheenu n my crushes ...i do not want to end up hating him with the same intensity...i do not want to hate him... no matter what he did with my left ankle in 1999... getting his interns to put on the pop before removing the stitches... i wish dad had not been so very cmc-apollo struck and instead taken me atleast to puthur nattu kattu or patanjali's yoga centre... i wish none of these 4 incidents and 6 surgeries ever happened... but wait...it is now past...i have to live with it... thanks to all those wonderful things i might have done in my previous janma...
there are a thousand things that could have gone wrong during any surgery... thank god... there was no infection as in apollo... no heart attacks as in miot... nothing so fundamentally stupid as in malar...eventually it is like choosing the least corrupt politician... somehow other than IJ, i can never ever bring myself to not consider others as insensitive, hardened-by-the-system quacks... very few exceptions are there of course... in fact other than these wonderful incidents...i never had to go to hospital for anything else... these waitings...oh my god... it is a colossal waste and test of financial, mental and physical endurance...wish my next trip to get rid of his TSF will be last trip to a hospital...

It was Aug trip that was the most irritating... the cabbie had come 1 and half hr late and i bid him to drive at 90-100 kmph to reach in time and he was a young chap... i hate these boys...there was a bull standing on the way... i was mugging 19th table on that trip... no matter what i could not help admiring the highway connecting chennai and blore... who said it is only scenic ECR...it was a sat... i had my classes starting 3:30 pm and i thought like other trips... this would get over by 11:30 since i had booked the first appt and make it in time... i had mailed IJ as well...ofcourse IJ never had the time to read my mails...his assistant would never care to tell him if he got a mail...
but this time round IJ summoned me at 9:30 kinds... i had to wait an hour to get the xrays done...i didn't want to miss my classes... so i decided not to sit and wait for his subsequent post lunch meeting that he never ceases to condescendingly remind as to how he is treating me out of turn for the nth time... i had my lunch hurriedly... i had called up the cabbie to be there at 12 and i had repeatedly told him that i needed to back in blore at 3 pm... but the cabbie had slept off...and at 12:30 i didn't have the patience... i created another scene with my mom and that Devi and got into an auto...my original intention was to get another cab to blore... it was 1 pm and still the cabbie was not reachable... i was still fretting and fuming that the guy was late in the morning and so callous during the trip... he had a cat crossing the cab and he had stopped the cab...and did some kutti kissing with his index fingers...somekinda prayer... so half way in the auto i changed my mind and decided to take a bus to blore... why waste another 3-4K for the trip... and reach the classes 1 hr late... so i boarded the bus and booked 3 seats to stretch and sit ... and reached blore and residency only around 5 pm...

meanwhile that cabbie had kept on calling ...i would have got close to 50 calls that day... the next day was sunday...my exam...and he was there right in the morning ... he came in a bike...asking for money... i was furious...the more i gave vent to my temper...the more it flared... he then said he would be jobless because of this... i only remembered my previous janma story from agasthiyar nadi ... and i said...let me not repeat the same mistake again...let me not spoil another guy's career... but the scorpio in my craved for revenge... for the 1.5 hrs wait in the morning... the bumpy trip and for making me board a bus... i told him i am not going to give the money... but then i realized no use having anything to do with these neech guys... am going to stay all alone in blore... even if i make a police complaint on his bugging me... he might throw acid on me if he chooses to... no use... so eventually i relented much against my wishes and gave him 2K for that trip...i was furious those days... oh my god... what is this...

the next trip i decided..i would rather bunk office than to cut the classes and agreed for the wednesday appt... this time round i booked the train tickets... this time round... the office cabbie was exceptionally kind... he like Rajini has one Aishwarya and one Soundarya...his home is in Mysore... i had no time for dinner that night due to work... i had been skipping lunches from June 15 since the cafetaria had steps... i was starving...this cabbie got me and the waste security a banana and coffee... i had started from office at 10:30... reached cantonment at 11 pm and the train was at 11:55 pm... mine was his last trip...he just had to go home after my trip...but he stayed with me since i asked him to... saw me into the train and only then he left... god bless him... he didn't even accept my 100... god...i hv to repay him somehow... please give me a chance to repay him...the guy in the next berth was there to help me get down at katpadi at 4am... after kodumudi incident...i didn't want to risk missing my destination...i had not slept the whole night...
this time i had called dad...since i had not seen him after May 13 and i decided not to disturb mom... since mom was not there..i had pay for the apt booked in invoice on my own... since i had travelled over night i also had to find a room with western loo... at 4:30 ... i felt very uncomfortable going to each lodge alone...i decided to check if opds were open...luckily it was and...just as i was about to book a room for bathing... dad caught me and ... this time again... IJ was playing the guru... drawing on the paper as to how the frame on the femur would have taken less time...i didn't let him explain anything... i was still furious with the whole world... this time round... i put anne french on my leg leaving those pins and i was surprised as to how soft and smooth it felt after that... so there was IJ...my pins had got infected thanks to my foolishness and he felt my tibia and said it was warm...ofcourse...thanks to infection it was quite warm.. he would ask me to stand up and look straight so that he can cursorily palpate my hips... or am wondering now...am thinking about him because he has touched my hips?... i remember the book that says which body part a guy should touch to have vashyam over his gal... every moon sign has its body part... i believe...it is the neck for the moon acquarian gals...am sure it is the hips and thighs for the saggi moon gals...i can still feel the sensations i had ... even with the simple act of the gal next to me in bus sleeping on my lap when everything was fine... my hips and thighs were so sensitive to others touch..that even though i knew how tired sugi was...i would never let her sleep on my lap ...it used to be simply too much to bear... but then with IJ palpitating my hips...it used to be funny... at least he now no longer holds my chudi tight against my pelvic bones so that my tummy juts out... he once exclaimed i have put on weight... of course...i have put on 7 kgs... i was 49 when had seen me in 1999 and am 56 now... 6 kgs more than my ideal weight...i have to reduce now...

that time, dad again posed his trademark question... will there be any problem in marriage... IJ said no issues, she would be ready for marriage and every thing in 1 and half month... and he patted my shoulder... he had got up then i believe... god...dad is always embarrassing me with this question...
last week... i wasted 2 days doing a google on his name... he has published atleast 2 articles that are quoted in various med journals... there were so many entries for him... i spent the whole day looking at his findings on Cutaneous markers... and another paper why plain palmistry says this... every line... every ridge...every marking is a story waiting to be unveiled...i am glad he pays attention to these details as well...he is deeply religious i feel... he preaches whenever he can probably... he was preaching that Monday after may 10... last friday i spent the whole day going through 824 photographs of his alumni... he is a 69 batch... does that mean he is 1969 passout?...should be... i was not able to find him there... everytime i recollect his face... the way he peers through his glasses... it was funny to look at his alumni photos... the ladies were dressed like those day's heroines...in white saris (okie god knows what light colour... it was black and white photograph)... with big buns on hair... high big big kondais... sleeveless blouses... slim and sleek... petite and pretty...wow... he must surely have had a heart throb then... there were so many men's hostel day celebration photographs... how i wish i could spot his photograph when he was 23 years old...but alas am not able to... this trip would be the last trip to meet him... i don't have a digi cam... my mobile does not have a cam... and i have to save to foreclose my loan... i can not get his snap this time... this time...i will gaze at him to my heart's content and imprint his every feature in my memory... this time i will not tell him...i cannot bring myself to do anything beyond hugging him affectionately even in most intimate dreams... there is still that distance...
i don't think i can have a converstation with him for 5 minutes on general topics... we are poles apart...our worlds are different... this time i am not going to bug him... i need to stop all this...once for all... purge my thoughts and go back Shiva...

however, this would be easier said than done...IJ i think is right now my new way of escapism for not preparing for my exams... i need to do a catharsis... exhaust everything i ever feel for him...so that i don't feel anymore... so that i don't crave any more... right now... IJ will be just my beloved IJ... bringing in another smile on my face...there were a thousand calls i wanted to make...but he would have been sleeping then... there were so many mails i wanted to send... infact luckily cmc offers private mail facility...but what is the point... it is not going go beyond that... at the max i can wish him for christmas and his bday... then what...

on May 1, dad had missed his bus and came late and was not there when IJ decided on the leg to operate... he still was not convinced about getting the good leg operated... so i had asked IJ if i could ask dad to speak to him... he said do not anything against your parents.... in US...there was a gal who had a surgery and her mom didn't know about it..in india it is not like that... he said... get around your dad... his daughter used to get around him it seems... he said call me from 9-10... most nights...i would be just one step away from calling him or sending him an sms...but i have to stop...stop this utter nonsense... wait... guess i need to be like that at times.... hope i get back to preparation at least now...