Vethathri Maharshi’s local chapter had sent mail a fortnight earlier. Yet, I managed to conveniently forget the first day of the classes and attended only the second day, forgoing the course fee (100/-) and certificate as well. I thought, why bother about certificate, it is the learning that counts, even if it is for 1 day. So from 9 to 4:30 I sat through the session.
Last year, when they taught us Suya sankalpa (Blessing yourself – for good health, adequate longitivity, enough wealth, fame, and true wisdom; this in addition to blessing others) I used to wonder, is this not a selfish prayer? I also happened to listen to my Libran neighbour, who remarked, that I was always seeking remedies, instead of accepting them and going forward. It suddenly made me wonder between accepting vs. giving in to life’s challenges and where to draw the line.
Yes’day’s classes gave me further clarity on having desires, setting goals. Other thoughts I had earlier were not to have desires, to surrender and that god would take care of things – take life as it comes. Yet another conflict was goal setting - working towards goal vs. Karmanye vadhikarasthe
Another struggle is to control anger. I usually take a shortcut – a mud path to reach hospital for physiotherapy. Just as I neared the playground, I found an old guy dressed in bright red t-shirt and beige pants urinating on the hospital compound wall. I could not help blast him mentally and realized my mistake only after I swore. My thoughts quickly went to 3-idiots and then I was thinking, if it was implemented, what would happen during rains? Anger – how to control it?
My Schoolmate’s Parents
In the session, I met a dignified old couple. The lady had a serene face, she must have been pretty beautiful when she was young, tall, lean, never stooping, a kind of assertion for independence and self-reliance. She wore her sari in a kind of carefree finesse. Her husband was kind of bald with receding white cottony hair; he sat on ground with difficulty, refusing a chair for his comfort. Parents who had centered their life around their children and not letting the pangs of an empty nest maul their face, once their kids went away. My prof once remarked to me as to how her only daughter had so much work for her whole family – ma’m, her husband and her in-laws. Grand mom packed her tiffinbox and snacks, grand dad assisted in project work and running errands, and ma’m had to be there to mentally support her during exams all night if needed, dad in picking dropping from school. Now that the child had gone to college and joined hostel, her in-laws don’t know what to do without their granddaughter, everyone felt so empty.
I kept looking at the couple once in a while during the class, for I was sitting on the last bench by the wall. Mom brought me lunch to the school where the sessions were being held and apparently mom knew this couple. They spoke about office and other things. The session got over on dot and I returned home to find sacks and buckets of green mangoes. Mom had apparently arranged to collect the mangoes through samy.
Later in the evening, at home over a cup of horlicks, mom said, the couple’s son went to China and had married a Chinese girl. The only guy who had done in that in our small locality was my school mate, a Republic day NCC cadet, who met his Chinese girlfriend in London. It seems they had a small reception here after their marriage. Now the parents are left all alone back in India, while their son is globetrotting.
I was thinking about my old mom and all old people. If it was like “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, what would happen? Why is that most people prefer baby that is not crying, and abandon their old parents and old ones? If parents lose all memories, it would be tasking, if old people kept on nursing old grudges and never forgave, even then it would be painful. All I can do now is pray for mom’s health and happiness.